Rumors of Handmaid’s Tale Author, Margaret Atwood, and Jordan Peterson, Mud Wrestle Outside Ontario Dive Bar
Fake News #9
Canadians are known to be excessively polite, but some mud must get flung sometimes.
Outside a notorious dive bar known locally as “Mud Rucker’s Den” award winning Handmaid’s Tale Author, Margaret Atwood, fell into a tussle with Dr. Jordan Peterson, noted Toronto guru and conservative christian. Peterson is the best- selling author of 12 Rules For Life, An Antidote to Chaos.
His greatest claim to notoriety is not his best-selling books, however, but his podcasts and speeches which teach young men to “Make your beds, but try not be too girlie while you do it.”
Both participants were not happy about the incident.
“It was silly, really,” said Atwood, adjusting her silver,well-earned hair halo as she walked away from the scene.
Witnesses reported that the two were simply having a low- key conversation when an unknown assailant in a lobster costume slammed into Atwood. Shouting “LOBSTERS not Libtards!”, the man faded into the night.
While Atwood was picking herself up off the sidewalk, she fell against Peterson who mistakenly thought he was being attacked.
In seconds the two were wrestling in the mud while onlookers cheered. The fight only lasted for a few seconds. But it seemingly embarrassed Professor Peterson the most.
“Oh, my, yeah, I over-reacted. It was strange that someone so educated, intellectual, and disciplined such as myself would overstep my own rules. I misinterpreted Miss Atwood’s reaching up, and I do hope she won’t worry her pretty, little head about me pressing charges, or anything.”
Ms. Atwood laughed off the incident, and went home for tea.
The two authors are both very opinionated interpreters of social justice, political movements, hierarchical structures, and gender roles throughout history. However, their views diverge as to how best to apply structure, and societal cooperation, to optimize a more harmonious world.
Whereas Margaret Atwood has envisioned the worst-case scenario of sexist and racist dystopia, as epitomized in The Handmaid’s Tale, Dr. Jordan Peterson offers books and speeches that suggest rigid social hierarchy is necessary, natural, and not really “the end of the world. Although, it is.
But Peterson sees the benefits of rigid hierarchy, because lobsters’ often engage in posturing for dominance and some other, smart, old white guys like Dostoyevsky, Nietzsche, and Orwell, wrote books “that I have read.”
“I read the same books, but came to different conclusions,” said Atwood.
The Mud fight, “brief, but spectacular” eye witness
Spectators at the mud fight had varying opinions about what really happened.
“I think Dr. Peterson realized on a deeply unconscious, neurochemical, level that extremist ideas of inclusion, diversity and ‘women’s lib gone mad’ were attempting to infiltrate his superior manhood brain. So, he reacted upon his innate conscientious impulse to do what he had to do to save Western civilization.” Said one.
His scowling companion, identified only as ‘Sue’, responded,
“She tried to get up. Peterson over-reacted. Also, why am I still making your bed? Grow up, Jonathan!”
Seen as a cautionary tale amid modern days of political strife, and backward leaning nostalgia, A Handmaid’s Tale is just one of Atwood’s many books. The book is now a popular mini-series that has been praised by social scientists and literary critics alike.
But the show is also seen as exaggerated and dangerous by many on the right of the political spectrum who warn that allowing women to have control of their bodies, or having supremacy, upper classes, stripped of power, wealth, and control, would create the very chaos that threatens stability. This is the “order” that Peterson’s books have identified as keeping society sane.
In Peterson’s view, order is male and chaos is female. He also believes — and rightfully teaches — that people should not interrupt skateboarders, (especially if they are young males) and that all of us would be better off if we stopped to pet stray cats in the street.
Atwood shares some, but not all of this view. Her research has revealed that without push back from the oppressed, women have been treated as property, breeders, sex objects, and most of all primary bed makers. She enthusiastically welcomes the view that young men should make their own beds. However, she objects to the part where women should be objects and breeders.
As some women are not of child-bearing age, and because not all governments and corporate structures give equal representation to marginalized people, Atwood feels that life lessons are learned and corrected by studying history, correcting injustices, and offering inclusion for many.
But Peterson’s work rejects this theory, and as he so often emphasizes: Gender pronouns are Nazis, liberals are Nazis, and people (that are not me, but that are sensitive to triggers), are probably Nazis.
It has also been suggested that Atwood does not approve of random petting of stray cats in the streets. Cats too, are entitled to autonomy, and even capable of giving consent as to whether they want to be petted at all.
Atwood’s overall conclusion is that pussy grabbing should be consensual, and, if not mutually acceptable to both he who pets, and he, she, ze, who is petted, the order of natural hierarchy will present itself in the form of bleeding cat scratches, and screeching cat harassers.
One distinct difference between Atwood and Peterson is that he believes white privilege, Islamophobia, and rape culture, are false constructs that push a progressive agenda, whereas Atwood has been a woman all her life and has simply tried to have lunch once or twice.
In other words, Atwood knows darn well that privilege remains invisible to those who have it.
The incident at Mud Rucker’s Den has brought notoriety to the previously unknown dive. People are not meeting there for rational discussions upon the nature of societal good. Even Trans people are being welcomed, and parents who may or may not enjoy slapping their children to teach discipline in a world of spoiled brats whose tears melt like snowflakes on confused cheeks.
Said one young mother having a sandwich at the café portion of the establishment.
“We have learned much from both Dr. Peterson and Margaret Atwood. My husband realizes that he will never be as rich, popular, or successful as Peterson, but he also is grateful that I have fought hard for pay equity and respect at work.”
Her husband added: “ We both know from Peterson’s books that life is horrible, brutal, meaningless, and unfair. We are both hopeless, heathen sinners who will die evil, and unfulfilled. except for that fulfilling sense of self-acceptance of our uselessness.
At least we now have awareness of it.”
When asked what she felt the gathered from Atwood’s work, she said, “Oh, that’s easy. Life can easily become horrible, gross, meaningless, unfair and brutal, but we can fix that.”