Sponsored Content: I Will Lick Your Yogurt Lid
You there, eating the yogurt — You’re not just gonna throw that lid out, are you?
There’s plenty of yogurt on that lid yet, neighbor. Be a shame to see it go to waste, don’t you think?
Hi, I’m r.j. kushner: Writer, entrepenure (sp?), failed child actor. And now? Yogurt lid licker.
That’s correct. For a (and very reasonable) fee, I will come to wherever you are in the world and lick your yogurt lid.
No more toiling away with your spoon, making an ass of yourself. I’ve got your back (and your lid, if you’ll have me).
Stop wasting your life!
Did you know that billions of dollars of yogurt get tossed out because many find it’s too difficult to remove it from the lid and place in their yogurt holes? Isn’t that freaky?
Let’s put that yogurt to good use — together.
Here’s how it works:
1) Buy your favorite brand of yogurt.
2) Open it and inspect the lid for any stuck yogurt (this is called “suction ’gurt”).
3) Panic for a moment (this is called “suction panic”).
4) Text “Yogurt hole” to 1–800-GURTLICK
5) Await my arrival.
6) When I arrive DO NOT greet me; simply escort me to your lid.
7) Sit back and relax as I absolutely go to town on that lid, because all your yogurt problems are solved.
8) Notify my nutrition specialist of what I have done and escort me to the nearest hospital; inform the nurse that ingesting any amount of dairy gives me violent gastrointestinal paint.
9) Wish me the best, as my recovery will be long and painful.
10) Tell your friends about my services.
Think you’re ready for a new way of life? Text “Yes lick” to 1–800-GURTLICK and “lick’s” get started — together.
