THE LITTLE WHITE LIES MEN TELL THEMSELVES
*I’m only going to watch one game this weekend.
*Of course I’d rather order a tofu burger from the menu than a juicy Porterhouse steak.
*Yes, it was on sale.
*My wife won’t notice if I leave a few dirty dishes in the sink.
*A man can never have too many flashlights. Or screw drivers.
*I don’t mind taking all the kids with us on our romantic vacation to the Bahamas.
*It’s okay that no one else in the family notices that the trash can is overflowing.
*I never fart in elevators.
*No honey, those jeans don’t make your butt look big.
*I don’t mind giving up my championship game tickets to stay home and help you pick lice out of the kids’ hair.
*This isn’t fat — -it’s muscle.
*No one will notice I’m going bald if I wear a baseball cap 24/7….or wrap this long, single strand of hair around the top of my head.
*It wasn’t a mistake…. I meant to do that.
*Of course I remembered our anniversary is today.
*It doesn’t bother me that I have to drive thirty miles to the store that carries that special flavor of ice cream that you crave.
*I don’t mind getting up at 3:00 a.m. to investigate the strange sound that you heard outside.
*Sure, I can last all night without Viagra.
*Of course I understand your moodiness.
*I don’t mind spending $400 on Justin Beiber concert tickets for my daughters.
*It’s perfectly fine to let the snoring, farting dog share the bed with us every night.
*Even though I’m middle-aged, I can still keep up with the teenagers and play several rounds of basketball in 90 degree heat.
*Size doesn’t matter.
*I love having my in-laws over for dinner every weekend.
*My wife won’t notice that I went to Home Depot for a packet of nails and came home with a pressure cleaner.
*Of course I don’t mind working over time without extra pay. My family won’t mind, either.
*I didn’t clog the toilet.
*It’s good to let the grass get knee-high every now and then. I’ll mow it next week.
*I know where I’m going and I don’t need to ask anyone for directions.
*I don’t mind that you’re feeling too tired and grumpy for sex. I can wait.
*I never think that you and your girlfriends talk too much.
*Of course I love your creamed brussels sprout and salmon pie recipe.
*My wife thinks my love handles are sexy.
*Men don’t gossip.
*I’m not crying over that Hallmark commercial. I’ve got something in my eye.
*Just because I’m giving you a full body massage doesn’t mean that I hope to get something else in return.
*I’d be happy to stop by the drugstore on my way home from work to pick up a box of tampons for you.
*Just one more beer, and then I’ll stop. I promise……