THE LITTLE WHITE LIES MEN TELL THEMSELVES

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*I’m only going to watch one game this weekend.

*Of course I’d rather order a tofu burger from the menu than a juicy Porterhouse steak.

*Yes, it was on sale.

*My wife won’t notice if I leave a few dirty dishes in the sink.

*A man can never have too many flashlights. Or screw drivers.

*I don’t mind taking all the kids with us on our romantic vacation to the Bahamas.

*It’s okay that no one else in the family notices that the trash can is overflowing.

*I never fart in elevators.

*No honey, those jeans don’t make your butt look big.

*I don’t mind giving up my championship game tickets to stay home and help you pick lice out of the kids’ hair.

*This isn’t fat — -it’s muscle.

*No one will notice I’m going bald if I wear a baseball cap 24/7….or wrap this long, single strand of hair around the top of my head.

*It wasn’t a mistake…. I meant to do that.

*Of course I remembered our anniversary is today.

*It doesn’t bother me that I have to drive thirty miles to the store that carries that special flavor of ice cream that you crave.

*I don’t mind getting up at 3:00 a.m. to investigate the strange sound that you heard outside.

*Sure, I can last all night without Viagra.

*Of course I understand your moodiness.

*I don’t mind spending $400 on Justin Beiber concert tickets for my daughters.

*It’s perfectly fine to let the snoring, farting dog share the bed with us every night.

*Even though I’m middle-aged, I can still keep up with the teenagers and play several rounds of basketball in 90 degree heat.

*Size doesn’t matter.

*I love having my in-laws over for dinner every weekend.

*My wife won’t notice that I went to Home Depot for a packet of nails and came home with a pressure cleaner.

*Of course I don’t mind working over time without extra pay. My family won’t mind, either.

*I didn’t clog the toilet.

*It’s good to let the grass get knee-high every now and then. I’ll mow it next week.

*I know where I’m going and I don’t need to ask anyone for directions.

*I don’t mind that you’re feeling too tired and grumpy for sex. I can wait.

*I never think that you and your girlfriends talk too much.

*Of course I love your creamed brussels sprout and salmon pie recipe.

*My wife thinks my love handles are sexy.

*Men don’t gossip.

*I’m not crying over that Hallmark commercial. I’ve got something in my eye.

*Just because I’m giving you a full body massage doesn’t mean that I hope to get something else in return.

*I’d be happy to stop by the drugstore on my way home from work to pick up a box of tampons for you.

*Just one more beer, and then I’ll stop. I promise……

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