The Misinterpretations Of A Dog In A Relationship

Because backhanded remarks don’t exist when you only have paws.

Dog 1: Tell me you weren’t just into me for the chase.

Dog 2: Of course not! I much prefer you doing the chasing. The way you run at full speed towards me, unapologetically through that small child’s sand castle, has never made me feel so wanted.

Dog1: You make me feel like I’m on a leash sometimes.

Dog 2: Oh wow. I had no idea. See, this is why communication is so important. I’ll do my best to make you feel like you’re on a leash all the time. Oof, I love that feeling. It means I have access to a near limitless library of dog secretions to aggresively inhale.

Dog 1: It feels like we’re going in circles…

Dog: Omg! I was just thinking the same thing but didn’t want to say it! Is there even a greater experience? Knowing that with each spin, we become that much closer to finally capturing those long hairy snakes that always seem to elude us…

Dog 1: Classic you, just bringing up old stuff from the past…

Dog 2: Guilty as charged! I present to you, a gift from the backyard; the keys to the Subaru hatchback, which the human female was looking for two months ago.

Dog 1: What are we? Feel like we’re in this gray area?

Dog 2: That’s actually a great assessment of our current situation since most areas appear gray to us. Glad we sorted that one out.

Dog 1: You’re full of so much bull.

Dog 2: Oh shucks, thanks for noticing! American Bulldog and American Pit Bull Terrier if you want to know the specifics.

Dog 1: You’re no saint.

Dog 2: Thank God! Am I right? Ew Saint Bernards’… so unrefined.

Dog 1 : I’m not a piece of meat.

Dog 2: Yes, I whole heartedly agree. That’s such an impossibly high standard to compare yourself too!