This Bewitched Bespoke Box for Men Might Be Broken

Dirty Harry Wizard
Jun 18 · 2 min read

Dear Ms. Prynne,

I purchased your Bewitched Bespoke Box for Men® and while the items were obviously enchanted, I don’t think they worked quite as advertised. The Ladies Man Letterman Jacket was supposed to make me popular with the ladies but when I wore it to the bar on Saturday night, it was as if the letter on my jacket was a mark warning all the ladies that I was a lecherous beast on the prowl. It was as though they all mistook me for the man that had broken their best friend’s hearts and was now after them.

The Be Cool Leather Jacket didn’t work any better either. It was advertised as a jacket to make me as slick with the ladies as the Fonze, but as soon as I put it on, music started playing from everything I hit with my hand. I knocked on my date’s door and it started playing “Fat Bottom Girls”. It might have been fine if it had been a nice Sinatra song or something but the song choice helped the date get off to an awkward start.

The Revitalizing Flannel was supposed to be a shirt that would bring back the vitality and fervor of my youth but as soon as I put it on, I was taken over by an irresistible urge to sing Pearl Jam songs and eat Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. I also couldn’t stop doing Beavis and Butthead impressions and that didn’t leave a lot of room for connecting with the ladies.

I’m reluctant to try on any of the other garments included in the box. Surely this Star Trek uniform can’t actually be a babe magnet. I feel like this box might have gotten past your quality control team. While I definitely commend you on the potency of your magic and spell casting abilities, there seems to be some kind of mix up here and I respectfully request a refund.

Sincerely,
Harold Magely (aka Dirty Harry Wizard)


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