Trump’s 10 Most Likely Judicial Nominees

PICTURED: A bunch of bigots & like four good-ish people

With Justice Kennedy bravely stepping away from his post, that means President Trump will get to appoint another wise & fair judicial nominee who will definitely be a good thing for all of us. Isn’t that exciting? Here’re his top 10 most likely nominations for the vacant Supreme Court seat:

1. Himself
2. Neil Gorsuch, thus making him the first Mega-Justice
3. One of his children (not Tiffany)
4. Two of his children (never Tiffany)
5. Robert Mueller, in an attempt to end the Russia investigation
6. Tucker Carlson
7. Alex Jones
8. Definitely not a woman, let’s be clear on that
9. A smart Republican bigot — just like Neil Gorsuch. It’s easy to make jokes about Trump being dumb, because he is dumb, but he also likes to hurt people, and he has staff around him who advise him on the best ways to do that. They’re going to pick a dangerous, damaging person, who will get rubber-stamped by our heartless Republican Congress, and it’s going to irreparably fuck us all. Let’s be clear on that.
10. An animate pile of money