Want To Be A Quadrillionaire? Do These 4,267 Things Immediately! You Can Also Do These 692 Things Before 4 am! Either Way Works!! WOW!!!!!
According To A Quadrillionaire (Me). Quadrillionaires Unite!!!!
Listen up, losers!
I’m going to tell you something only us quadrillionaires know.
I’ve decided to finally give away all my secrets. It will only cost you about five minutes of your time. Or 297 days if you follow the 47 behaviors method.
But, that is only 1 of the 7,590 decisions you will have to make to become a quadrillionaire.
I can lead you to the golden toilet, but I can’t make you piss in it.
(Us quadrillionaires usually have someone do that for us anyway.)
But I digress.
These secrets have been kept locked away for centuries. And up until now, you could only become a mere billionaire.
But let’s be honest, millionaires and billionaires aren’t successful. They are losers, average, and mediocre.
They only do 2,412 things immediately. They only get 367 things done before 4 am. And they sure as hell don’t do 297 days straight of the 47 behaviors method!
More on that later.
You see, becoming a quadrillionaire is a secret only us special people know. However, I’ve decided to open up this exclusive club and my system* to you average, mediocre losers. I’ve decided to share what I know with you common folk.
I know what you are thinking.
Jeff, you’re the best.
And I am. Because I’m a quadrillionaire.
(And you are not)
But, to become one of us, you have to believe everything I say and follow my exact specifications.
I’m not talking about being very successful or truly successful. I’m not talking about being slightly above average. I’m not even talking about being merely extraordinary!
I’m talking about being uberultramega successful.
Listen, if you only do 691 things before 4 am, you will remain a loser.
If you only do 4,266 things immediately, you will continue to be stuck in your unsuccessfulnessing. (I just made up that word, that’s how good I am).
And if you skip a day of the 297 days straight of the 47 behaviors method, well then you may as well just give up hope of ever being like me.
Okay, you probably aren’t ever going to be like me since I’m the best, but you can try.
But most importantly, if you don’t follow my exact instructions, you will continue to have to piss into a regular toilet without any help.
Anyway, I’m not here to bullshit you. I know stuff. Lots of stuff.
I want to share this stuff.
But only if you are willing to follow me on every social media platform, subscribe to every newsletter I put out, tell me I’m amazing in every article I write, share my articles, clap 50 times (not just once, loser), download my e-book, and send in a check for $274,781.16. (Since I’m the best, I need a lot of security. Everyone wants to be around me. Plus postage is crazy expensive.)
Trust me. It’s worth it.
Just think, you get all 3 methods for a small investment of clapping, subscribing, following, sharing, downloading, and complementing.
And a smidge over $200,000.
But Jeff, that sounds INSANE!!!!
Yes it does.
And it is!
But wait. That’s not all!!!
For just the price of shipping and handling ($17,673), I will throw in two different pictures of me surrounded by all my money and send it to you! This is in addition to the 4,267 things you must do immediately, the 692 things you have to do before 4 am, and even the coveted 47 behaviors method!
But, this offer won’t last long. I only have so much patience for people who aren’t successfulnessing. (My made up word again).
So do it now!!! Your destiny awaits!!!
*Side effects include eyeballs popping out (from all the money of course), green fingers, golden toilets, being awesome, and having the ability to make up your own words.
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