When I forged the coffee stamps on my frequent visitor card, it was an act of civil disobedience
I read part of Walden and watched Fight Club five times and I believe it is my civic duty to forge the last three stamps on my frequent sipper card so I can get the free coffee I deserve. If this was the first time I had commited such an offense, it wouldn’t show my dedication to corporate defiance and might be questionable, but seeing as how I left a trail of such acts, I think you can safely say I’m a bit of a new age vigilante.
There was that one time I was working on the Totino’s pizza assembly line and I smothered a whole order of mexican pizza’s each with a bag of tortilla chips. “Big Pizza” didn’t know what hit them when they were doing their random employee cuts three months later.
When I worked at the public pool as a life guard one summer we (me and one of the other lifeguards who is trans, “friar tuck” as I called him, used to upper deck the stalls of the rec center. They had a sewage leak one time into the pool and we found out later we had ingested some of our own waste and contracted dissentary resulting in two weeks of unpaid sick time. It was awesome!
I really showed the man when I skinned a rabbit and made a fur coat for another rabbit. I taught my dog to snowboard, made a sticker of Calvin peeing on the word “Job” for the back of my Toyota Tercel and put a magnet on my car registration sticker so my roommates didn’t have to invest in the DMV (department of mean vagina’s) and could borrow it to go pick up my free coffee.
So, you see, these coffee stamps are my right as a human being.
I also don’t get paid until Friday.
