Your Weekly Forking 3–16–18
It’s Forking Friday! Here are some fresh dills.
This week’s Forking is brought to you by The Black Suit of Death: a satirical, sci-fi, indie comic series for which I am the co-writer and co-creator. On Kickstarter now!
What Psychic Taco Doesn’t Want You to Know
I’m not going to pretend I don’t love me some Psychic Taco. Let’s be real, their double pork, chipotle street tacos are one of the best experiences you can legally buy for $1.99. Plus the fact that you don’t even have to order and they still get your food right 99% of the time is a stunning demonstration of Clarke’s third law. Seriously, those idiots over at Taco Hell can’t get your order right half the time even when you say it to them very slowly. Next to that, Psychic Taco really does seem like magic.
But have you ever wondered how they do it?
Building your basic Lizard Removal website
by Haute Mess
Welcome to my Celestial HealingsTM site!
My name is Scott Brandish and I’m going to guide you through creating your own aura cleansing and remote prayer website so you can profit off of marijuana users, people mentally unfit for retail jobs and internet induced schizophrenic’s.
You Want My Quarter, Homeless Person?
Here’s a list of qualifications.
- Pee in this cup, please. No, not there. Where I can see you.
Beginner’s Field Guide to Quote-Hunting
by Samuel Leal
Journalism is hard. But you know what else is hard? Finding a suitable place to hang your degree on the mossy concrete of that underpass you call your home.
Forcibly Deleted TripAdvisor Review of Mar-A-Lago
My wife and I had of course visited Mar-A-Lago several times in the past, what with one of our summer estates being so nearby, but this was the first year we had the great honor of being invited to attend the Trump Family Annual Sacrifice to Moloch. What a delight!
Another busy day at the ranch
by K.C. Healy
Jack was tightening a section of wire on the pasture’s fence when he heard his son gallop up on his favorite quarter horse. It was a powerful blue roan whose coat shimmered in the setting sun.
Weird Cowboy Aphorisms
by Lee Blevins
A man can’t be both here and there unless somehow that man has been split in twine. And I do take issue with that.
That worm has wings and an ill disposition.
I Have a Serious Case of Unsplash Jealousy
It happens to the best of us. We want to play it cool, but we can’t. Because jealousy has reared its ugly head inside of us. The rest is the history of my Unsplash jealousy.
QUIZ: Are You The Seinfeld?
Are you the title character from NBC’s “The Seinfeld?” Do you live in The Apartment in The New York City and make Laughs? Find out below!
Question One: What is the most difficult part of being The Seinfeld?
How I Made A Trillion in Crypto While Walking My Dog
You need to get off your ass and invest your life savings into cryptocurrency right now! What are you waiting for? Don’t you know the Winklevoss twins are like gazillionaires?
The Horrors of What I’ve Been Used For Once Deemed “Dirty” And Thrown in the Hamper
by Dakota James
A clean, unmarked towel is a precious thing. When I first come out of the dryer, clean and soft, my owners don’t even want me to touch the floor. But use me two or three times after a shower and I become a rag for unspeakable horrors. If I’m lucky, which I’m usually not, I’m put in the hamper and forgotten about until it’s time to do laundry. If I’m unlucky — well, let’s just say that the horrors I’ve been used for make me want to lock myself in the washing machine and spin in hot soap and water until I’m reduced to shreds.
You Are The Most Important Person In The World
You must be really f*cking important.
“The most important thing in communication is hearing what I said.”
— That f*cking guy
Feel Old Yet? Jimmy’s Parents Are Dead.
Time sure does fly. Yesterday we were kids playing with Tonka Trucks in the sandbox, and today Jimmy’s parents died. Can someone call the 90's? I could use a vacation from, uhhh, today!
Photos of Hand Hearts Make Me Die Inside
I don’t know where my physical displeasure with this phenomenon comes from.
It’s a visceral expression of love.
And it makes me die inside every time I see it.
Thanks for reading!
