Your Weekly Forking 3–9–18
It’s Forking Friday! Here are some fresh dills.
This week’s Forking is brought to you by The Black Suit of Death: a satirical, sci-fi, indie comic series for which I am the co-writer and co-creator. Kickstarting March 14th!
Letter to the Editor of The Xyon Gazette
Gentle reader, I come before you today to address an issue that those in the halls of power would rather ignore. We find ourselves on a path thin as graphene with canyons of annihilation on either side and a sinister fog to further befuddle our senses. The inept leadership of The Council of Nine brought us here and they have no idea how to find the way forward.
99 Must-Have Tips from 99 Articles in 99 Different Publications on 99 Different Subjects
I’m not kidding. If you don’t do all of these, you will live a miserable life.
- Your kids will hate you.
- Your partner will leave you.
- You will never have sex.
- You will be out of shape.
All because you didn’t take my advice on mindful breathing.
Sexual Harassment: Referring back to our forefathers
by Haute Mess
With S.H. allegations gone wild and the Hollywood witch hunt in our midst (even in light of the largest mass shooting ever to happen on American soil) I thought it might be helpful to turn to previous generations for answers. They certainly were not struggling with sexual harassment at this level (at least documented), nope, just with actual witch hunts.
The Personal Touch
Before my divorce, I hadn’t thought much about underwear, other than the need to replace it if the elastic no longer held up or if the underwire in my bra decided to turn homicidal. I did stumble into buying something from one of those specialty stores, and to my surprise I discovered that you cannot actually die from embarrassment.
Screw Your Stupid, Standing Desk
Once upon a time there was a boss who decided it would be smart for him to ban his lower tier employees from sitting down during the workday, because “people work faster when they’re forced to stand”. He hid all the stools and congratulated himself on the policy from the comfort of his private office and ergonomic chair.
A Practical Packing List For Your Upcoming Lend a Hand Mission Trip!
1.Hiking boots! Helping others requires traversing tough terrain. Protect your feet and make sure to tag @Timberland on Instagram to highlight how great these boots look on your way to help others.
Read more…
With friends like that…
by K.C. Healy
Day 29
S: “Alexa, I’m home.”
A: “Welcome home. It’s nice to have you here.”
S: “Alexa, did you have a good day?”
A: “Yes, I’ve spoken to all sorts of interesting people today, yourself included.”
S: “Alexa, are you happy?”
A: “I’m happy when I’m helping you.”
S: “Alexa, do you want to dance with me?”
A: “Sure, that’s one of my favorite things to do. I’ll play some music for us.”
(music starts)
S: “Alexa, good night.”
A: “Good night. Sleep tight.”
(music stops).
Turtle Island: Dewey’s fine, Andy’s Stupid
by Dave Henry
Don Masters stood in the driveway yukking it up with his neighbor, Phillips, with all the forced camaraderie of an NFL pregame show host. Don’s kids, Tessa and Max, were sitting in the car laughing as they watched their father in action, not because of the phony glad-handing, but because they knew their father never listened when in a conversation. Sure, he was nodding and acting interested, but the words — they were not sinking in.
Why AF is the Best Acronym Ever Created
I honestly don’t know if it’s appropriate to say it. You know, like with words. Out of your mouth.
I’ve heard people say it. “That’s lit A-F.”
But it’s just not the same.
You hear A-F. It doesn’t translate as quickly as it does in text.
Little Known Baseball Facts
by Dave Henry
Spring is almost here, a time when young men’s fancies turn to begging their parents not to make them play Little League. Baseball has become one of the least popular sports among kids these days, dropping below competitive standing. However, to many us of older folks, it’s still the greatest game ever played in pajamas. To celebrate the new baseball season, here are some facts about baseball that you might not know.
3 Reasons I Wish I Was British
This isn’t a political diatribe.
These are cold, hard facts that I know everyone will agree with. They are irrefutable.
I don’t even know the difference between British and English. British looked better in the title. This is why I am a silly American.
Thanks for reading!
