Open Letter

even the notion of writing this is scaring me,
because something happens when I think about you.
there’s a tremor, a twitch,
an earthquake of sorts,
but deep under the surface of my skin
that you could hardly tell I just fell apart..
that you could hardly tell of the avalanche of rock and ice
crashing down my throat,
clogging up my airpipe.
And for a split second I find myself back inside that room,
the one we were once foolishly happy to be trapped in together,
but it’s no longer you that’s there..
have you ever locked yourself in a room with your worst fear?
There’s me strapped to a chair sitting across from a monster
intimidating me to accept that
me and it are one and the same.
as I yell back in denial, past the point
of hearing anything.
And yet I still wonder,
where are you? how are you? and how the fuck did we get here?
and something tells me you know exactly what I’m talking about,
that you know exactly
how it feels.
