Relationship Struggles
Putting somebody up on a pedestal
Have you ever done that, put somebody high up on a pedestal?
Recently I went through an extremely heartbreaking experience where somebody failed to love me in a way that I needed to (wanted to) be loved.
And when I started to question myself about why the fuck I am feeling so bad? I felt confused, I wasn’t sure, if he failed me or I really expected too much from him. I wanted him to be my all but he couldn’t be that.
And then I realised I do that in a lot of my relationships, I put people up there, on a pedestal and when they fail to meet my expectations I am so disappointed that it not only breaks my heart but I feel intense resentment towards that other person.
Have you been the one who is put on a pedestal?
If you are the one who is worshipped. Then one day, which is bound to come because you are only human — that one day when you fail to behave in a way that the person putting you up there expects you to behave, they will blame you. They will curse you for failing them and that will make you question if you are a good person.
What to do then?
Honestly, being in both situations sucks. In both situations where you are either worshipped by somebody or you worship somebody else there is something off about your own inner balance.
In both situations you end up taking over another person’s life, by either becoming their all or by making them your all, thereby snatching away the right of being individuals for two people in one way or the other.
Being an excessive giver or taker is a sign that your inner balance is way off and that’s when you attract the worshipper in your life or find somebody who you worship and in both these situations somebody gets hurt and somebody else gets blamed. In both cases the relationship is not healthy.
When I was the one who was worshipped by somebody and I ended up leaving that person, he broke down, he broke down real bad and for a long time I couldn’t forgive myself because I felt like I did something very wrong.
And now when somebody else has disappointed me in the same way, I feel the strong urge to blame that person, to cry, to point fingers and shout and to feel like everything is going against me. I did allow myself two whole days of self pity too, it is important that you allow yourself that.
But I know that just as I was human in the previous situation, I made mistakes, I hurt somebody else, even this person is human, he can make mistakes, he is not the god that I thought him out to be.
In fact your partner is not supposed to be god.
Sometimes when we cannot accept our own humanity and we blame ourselves for every single mistake we make, we do the same with our close ones — because we expect so much from ourselves, we expect that much from others too.
What if you allowed yourself to make mistakes? Then probably somebody else’s mistakes won’t hit you so hard.
What if you forgive yourself for your mistakes? Then it would be easier to forgive somebody else for their mistakes.
What if you realised that you are not supposed to date or marry the perfect person but you’re just supposed to be in love with a person?
It’s important to love a person with all his or her flaws and challenges just as they love you for all your good and bad.
It’s important to give as much as you take just as it is important to take as much as you give. Giving excessively is not a sign of true love, it is a sign that your relationship is not in perfect harmony and you will end up empty some day. Taking excessively is not the kind of detachment that will guarantee peace, it is a sign that you in fact do not know how to access that part of yourself that is ready to love, there is a block somewhere within you, and that block is preventing love from flowing through you, and without the flow of love inside of you there is no real progress or happiness on the outside too.
What if we fell in love with each other instead of falling in love with our own expectation.
