Le sequel 🤡
So….
*Awkwardly smiles*
Man I am one lazy mf…
Anyway, here we go again, a couple days ago, a good pal of mine reminded me that this site exists and that I had a so called publication to write on so here I am, 6 months after starting this thingy and inactive as usual. A lot of stuff happened, mostly bad, the things that happened this year make it seem like 2020 was the best year of my life (tragic, right?) but yeah, for a quick recap, the tragedies and fights with Instagram in November faded away slowly but surely as I found a decent enough workaround to make do with after I lost my music account forever and I had the best birthday of my life thanks to the real ones in my life that still make it worth it.
2021.
Absolute fucking nightmare, started with a death, not getting too much into my personal life here (I know its a journal but eh) I honestly don’t know what I’m doing here writing this right now but to be honest, this has always been my favorite outlet to let my feelings out and boy do I feel like shit right now. Speeding up, I *Silently* quit music, at least as Someone Else, on February 6th, the same day I debuted a year ago. Guess that’s something I should be mentioning, the real reason behind it is, I’d lost my sheen for music, I was never really proud of my work, despite how far it’s gotten me (I edited out a paragraph here, guess I’m getting a bit too emotional haha) and something that really irked me out is the insanely toxic atmosphere surrounding me, I guess hate is inevitable when you get to a certain level, don’t ever meet your idols, kids. I am aware of the fact that I’m being all sentimental here but I don’t want future me to regret not etching these moments in silicon, I’ve already lazed about for the last 6 months.
Speaking of being lazy, I actually did yet another thing that I regret so much last year. There was this beautiful app called Pexels, a mood tracker that basically lets you log a short summary of your day along with the emotions you went through and how much you’d rate that day on a scale of five. Pretty neat huh? I managed to fill most of January and February up in 2020 and I messed up soon after, like I actually had an alarm at 5pm every day reminding me to write and still, many days felt inconclusive at that time and I kept messing up and lost hope. I actually retried this year and to no avail so big F on that part.
Moving on, I’m in a mental space where I feel like I’m boxed in from all sides and I don’t really know how things would turn out. College life is at an all time low, as of writing this, I have 3 out of 4 labs grossly unfinished and I know NOTHING at all in most subjects and I just know that future me (like, a month older me) would regret this so much but I’m sorry man, I have no hope. With regards to music, I do have a few tracks coming up, tying them loose ends on unfinished collaborations and such, I’m still getting rejected left and right and I’m currently looking at self releasing prospects (I hope I don’t regret this) and the whole hate part is reaching a peak at this point. I can’t be hopeful about anything right now but we’ll see. Gonna have dinner so I guess that wraps this up. If editing stories on Medium after they’re published is possible, I might add some pictures and screenshots. Ciao.
