The story behind Pillow

Long-term, intimate relationships can be difficult, right?!

At least, that’s where it started for me. I thought it was going to be smooth sailing. But I found out they take commitment, hard-work and whole lotta’ love — whether you’re ready for it or not!

In multiple relationships, I found that sex ended up being far less exciting after the first year or so. The spark dissipated, routine kicked in and life got in the way of our relationship.

What was I doing wrong? Why was this happening? Was this inevitable? What could I change? What did I need to learn? What should I do differently?

So began my quest to understand intimacy, sex, love and human-connection.

I delved deep into Intimacy

My personal and professional journey has taken me through the highs and lows of emotion, 7 countries, and many incredible partners from around the world. I’ve learned from tantric masters, psychosexual therapists and sexologists. I’ve read books, watched weeks worth of YouTube videos, experienced deep vulnerability like never before and tried empathy inducing psychoactive drugs. I’ve experimented with identity, power-play, BDSM, and a whole bunch of “toys.” I’ve learned to let go, to be authentic to myself, and care less what others think — but this journey is never-ending.

Whilst I was in the UK I met Kate Moyle, a Psychosexual & Relationship Therapist in London. As I presented a technology-led idea to her about intimacy education and it sparked her attention. Given she is one of the youngest Psychosexual Therapists in the UK, she really understands how technology is both changing relationships, and how technology can be positively used to improve relationships.

The collaboration would become Pillow Play.

Discovering Intimacy Exercises

Intimacy Exercises are used by a variety of professionals, from Relationship Therapists to Sex Coaches, and Marriage Counselors to Tantra Teachers.

They are often used as home-work assignments in therapy or used as a tool that are facilitated in workshops.

The exercises nurture a variety of soft skills that aren’t usually given priority in our western education system — skills such as empathy, openness, compassion, forgiveness, gratitude, patience, self-acceptance, permission-giving and more.

Kate and I felt as if they were a very powerful way for couples to connect with each other with or without professional intervention — and believed we could take them out of the therapy room and into the bedroom using a smartphone!

We want to popularise the use of Intimacy Exercises so that more couples can go intimately deeper together.

So how do these Intimacy Exercises work?

The exercises employ a variety of techniques from Psychosexual Therapy, Relationship Therapy, Mindfulness and Tantra but are ultimately designed to hold a relaxed and safe space for you and your partner to spend a short amount of time focussing on one another.

Each exercise is uniquely crafted to work on a variety of soft skills such as Empathy, Patience, Stillness (quietening the mind), Compassion, Trust, Gratitude, Openness, Permission Giving, Asking, Body Image and more.

The exercises vary from 5–20 minutes in length and you follow-along to the audio together via our mobile app. You’ve had thousands upon thousands of plays so far.

Ultimately, hearing your stories after a touching experience with Pillow Play keeps us inspired and motivated — we know how much these exercises can genuinely help you connect with yourself and with each other.

“Pillow Play is a wonderfully gentle way to bring your mind and body to a state of glorious, passionate arousal. Other friends of mine say the app helps them forget what’s going on outside the bedroom and focus all their attention on their partner.”

“This was the biggest benefit for me: stepping beyond the everyday and into an erotically charged headspace. I don’t see Pillow Play revolutionising my sex life, but I will keep it for weary days when I’m up for the idea of love making but need a little help to get going. Surely that makes it one of the most useful sex aids you could have?” — Marie Claire

What’s next?

It’s about time that we started prioritising our relationships—and we genuinely believe we’ve created the fastest and simplest way for you and your partner to connect intimately, and in-turn give your sex life an often needed shake up.

Darren + Kate xx

To get started, share us with your partner and access the Intimacy Exercises here.

Are you a Therapist, Coach or Intimacy Expert?