Meet Swasti — Mother & Senior Engineering Manager

Swasti Sharma is a Senior Engineering Manager at Ten-X and mother to a two year old girl. Her strongest attribute is her infectious, cheerful personality which boosts the spirit and morale of everyone else around her. In her free time she has started babylovebitten.com. Below is her journey as a mother in tech in her own words.

Q: What was your role and responsibility in the company when you found out you were expecting?

I was Test Engineering Manager in Mobile team at LinkedIn. My team was responsible for the quality of LinkedIn’s Native app and Connected App.

Q: Looking back do you think you planned well for the time away? If you had the option to do it all over again — what would you do differently?

Yeah I think so. I took all days I possibly could to spend time with my daughter Anya. I was fortunate enough to be able to take unpaid time off for a month. It’s tough for people who are not able to do so due to financial constraints. My suggestion and advice to anyone who is planning to take maternity leave is to take all days possible. I have seen many women not taking off the last week of pregnancy. I think they really should because it gives them time to prepare their mind and home for the new member and if they don’t they lose it and its company paid, so why not?

Q: Given an option to stay-at-home and enjoy being a mom for your kids, would you leave your job?

Its funny that you bring this up. It was extremely difficult for me to return to the workforce soon after maternity leave. I thought of quitting my job every single day. One reason may very well be that I got Anya (my daughter’s name) after a lot of struggle. She was my 3rd IVF try. I would question my priorities in life every single day. My husband and my parents knew it was an emotional decision. They didn’t want me to leave everything I worked so hard for over the years and regret later. All my husband asked of me was to give myself 3 months and if after that I still feel I should stay at home, then he would fully support me in my decision. That was the best advice ever! I stuck for 3 months and it helped me overcome my guilt and changed my perspective. Now I wanted to be a role model and inspirational mother to Anya and not be someone who quits. Not saying that staying at home decision would have been a bad idea. Just saying it worked out well for me at the end. But I would not think twice leaving my job if my Anya ever needs me. For me family is my number one priority.

Q: What was your support structure like during and after your pregnancy?

I have been extremely lucky to have an amazing family support both during and after pregnancy. Both our parents were willing to stay with us alternating for few months which helped me tremendously with the ultimate ‘Mom’s guilt’ which is constant for any mom :) We also hired a nanny. With nanny and our parents I was not worried about Anya. All I was worried about was not getting enough time with her. Also in my professional arena at my previous company LinkedIn , everyone in my team was super supportive which made it easier for me.

Q: Do you have some advice on how to choose a daycare/pre-school/baby sitter? When to choose a nanny or daycare?

I think if there is a way you can have your family over and get help in form of a nanny, that would be perfect. This is the time when the child bonds with grandparents. We hired a nanny so we don’t over burden our parents with baby duties. They have raised their kids and now it was our turn. My suggestion for anyone going through this phase is if you can financially support hiring a nanny then do so even when your family is around to help out. It helps keep theirs and your sanity during this transition time.

As far as daycare is concerned, I would say at around 1.5 years age the child wants company of other kids. That is the correct time to put him/her in daycare.

Daycare selection was a process on its own. My suggestion would be to start the research at least 8–12 months in advance and visit multiple places and make sure your child is enrolled for at least 2–3 daycares just so you have backups. I have seen my friends getting rejected in one daycare which they had high hopes on and then they had to compromise. So be proactive.

On how to choose a nanny — we went through referrals and care.com but I always preferred referrals over the online site. Also enroll yourself to mailing lists and facebook parent groups for your areas where people generally post ads for their nanny when they no longer need the service. Another suggestion from my personal experience is to make sure you write down your expectations of the duties while you are hiring a nanny. You both need to be on the same page about what is and what is not a part of her duty. It was a struggle for me for some time.

Q: What was your maternity leave plan? Were you working full time when your kids were born?

I had 3 months of paid maternity leave and 1 month of bonding leave from state government. Yes, I was working full time.

Q: What is that one thing that bothers you the most and you would want to fix in the system?

I love the idea of 6 months maternity leave or the option of work from home for new moms. I hated filling all the insurance paper work while I had 20 other things on my plate (Not sure if that can be improved).

Q: How has being a mother affected your career?

A lot and It’s a constant learning and if you look closely your baby teaches you so many things which you can apply in your career. Being a parent helped me:

• Realize of my inner strength and ability to do seemingly impossible.
• Realize how important having fun is in life to de-stress yourself.
• How to lead by compassion and being self-aware.
• With the ability to do decision making in difficult situations.
• Learn something new every day
• Realize that appreciation is motivating

If you have interest in how I connect parenting with professional world and the lessons learnt, you can check my blogpost on LinkedIn.

Q: How did you prepare yourself for the change? What books/blogs/advice/quotes do you remember that motivated you during the time?

I think in my case I was fully prepared mentally. I was so looking forward to being a mom that I never felt overwhelmed with the changes that came in. I think having a baby brings change in your life but only for good. As far as books and advices are concerned, I was a constant visitor to Babycenter. They have some pretty good articles. I don’t think anything specific motivated me but for sure looking at all my friends’ beautiful little kids and seeing my husband play with them is what truly motivated me. He is a fun dad!

Q: What advice do you have other women, how to create a healthy environment at home for both your kid and spouse, your relationship and yourself?

After having Anya I have become very health conscious. I am very careful in what we are eating or using as products for our day to day routine. I have tried to completely get rid of anything which has chemicals and is harmful in any way. Most of the stuff I try to make at home or look for healthier and chemical free options in store or online. Regarding relationships, that’s one thing I was not mentally prepared for. Having a kid changes your relationship with your spouse in many ways. There are days you would just not have time for talking to each other even for 5 minutes and there may be fights. It’s as tough for the dad as it’s for you. Give your relationship some time. Ours took almost one year to get back to normal.

Having a baby is emotionally as draining as it’s physically specially with all the hormones flowing around. My suggestion — just give yourself a break! Things might go up and down but both of you need adjustment time for the new life. Just hang in there and I am positive everything will be back to normal.

Rapid Fire

• Your best friend when it comes to handling tantrums: Ask your kid to do the opposite of what you want them to do. During tantrums phase they are in rebellious mode so make use of it ;) Works for me (fingers crossed).
• Biggest stress buster: Anya’s kiss
• Typical goto meal: Simple Indian cuisine
• Favourite game you play: Just running around with Anya and my dog. He will jump in every time I play with Anya which cracks me up. He will make sure he is not neglected in any way.
• Favourite lullaby: It’s in hindi from a movie called ‘Mission Kashmir’. Wordings are ‘So ja chanda raja so ja chal sapno mein chal’. Now my daughter sings it for her doll in her broken language which brings a smile to my face.
• Favourite book: I love reading any inspirational, motivational and leadership books. Recently I am reading a book called ‘Multipliers’.
• Favourite hobby: Home decor, DIYing, cooking , writing poems , reading inspirational articles or books. You can find my personal blog where I list all my hobbies and what I do here.

Originally published at www.pimothers.com.