Crystal Braswell is the Manager of Corporate Communications at LinkedIn. She will soon be mother of two, with a three year old son and daughter on her way! She splits her week between Mountain View and San Francisco offices of LinkedIn and has a very active life powered up with an emphasis on physical fitness and networking. Here is a snippet of our candid chat:
Q: What is your take on the stay-at-home vs working-mom debate?
I have several friends who are stay-at-home moms and I have a lot of respect for them. These women have chosen to stay back home, prioritize their family and children and really pour their all into it. In some cases they grew up dreaming of being a mom, they are living their dreams- and they are doing an amazing job.
For me, being a mom is one of the most important pieces of my personal identity, but so is my role as a PR professional. I cherish family time, but in a way, work also provides me with a break from the daily home life and an opportunity to stimulate another side of my personality.
Obviously, it doesn’t always come down to what one has aspired to though. Sometimes, the cost of childcare exceeds one spouse’s income. In that case, many couples may decide it makes financial sense for one parent to stay-at-home. Which parent chooses to stay, in my opinion is something spouses need to talk about and should not be tied to gender. It depends on the personality type too. It is a personal choice. My career is very fulfilling and satisfying for me. I love being a mother, but I also love being a PR professional. I’m fortunate that financial circumstances enable me to be both.
Q: When you have had a really bad day at work, how do you deal with the stress?
I try to remind myself to pause and, instead of focusing on the elements that are causing me stress, choose to look for the little things that inspire me or bring a smile to my face. My son is an incredible source of joy for me. He’s at an age where his personality is in full-bloom, and his world, while sometimes frustrating, isn’t as complicated as we adults see it. Wherever I can, I try to involve him in the things I “have” to do at home. We turn trips to the grocery store into a learning experience — picking out new fruits and veggies together that we can then come home and cook. When I’m cooking, I give him a stool, a mini cutting board and some toddler friendly kitchen utensils so he can “help.” It turns mundane household chores into quality, fun time with him and makes him feel like he’s an important, contributing member of the household.
That said, we all have those days where you come home completely depleted, frustrated, in a bad mood — and it takes focus to not let that seep out and impact the family. On those days my husband is great about pouring a glass of wine and letting me talk it out, or taking over at home so I can go run it out.
When all else fails, we’ll eat dinner, then pile into bed to watch a cartoon before my son goes to bed. It’s hard to still feel grumpy after an episode of Curious George with my family.
These activities are big stress busters for me!
Q: So how old is your son? Does it get easier when children get older?
He’s three years old now, and what I’ve learned is each stage is both more difficult and more rewarding than the last. He’s starting to explore and test his independance. Some days I’m blown away by how much he now understands and retains, other days I’m reminded his emotional development is just beginning, and trying to explore that independence when his verbal and fine-motor skills are still developing and adults are frequently redirecting him, can be frustrating. But seriously, whoever decided to nickname age two “The Terrible Two’s” clearly hadn’t had a three-year-old yet.
In terms of being a working mom. I always thought my hardest day would be the first day I dropped him off at daycare, but my hardest moment to-date came years later once he started to understand where I was during the day. The morning he looked at me and said “Mommy please don’t go to work, I want you to stay with me.” was tough. But I’m also simultaneously reminded that this is the right decision for me and my family when my son looks at me and says “Mommy, you’re my superhero.” He’ll grow up understanding that it’s important in a family and relationship, to know who you are and stay true to that. My hope is that understanding will help prepare him to be a supportive spouse and successful professional and father (should he choose that path). When my daughter gets here, I hope to provide an example for both of them that they can be whoever, and whatever they aspire to.
Q: So, daycare/preschool/babysitter is the most important decision. How do you choose one or the other?
I would start by saying that this is a very personal decision and depends on your preferences. Some people love nannies, others prefer in home daycares, while others feel more comfortable with larger, more regulated centers. The most important consideration first and foremost is the staff. If you aren’t comfortable with the person or team, leaving your little one will be nearly impossible.
For us, we wanted something that offered some structure, where there is a schedule and routine for our son, but where children are still encouraged to learn and explore through play. Because we’re both full-time professionals, we also needed a facility with dependable schedules and hours. We found one that provides that, with a team of teachers that my son, my husband and I truly love and appreciate.
Q: What is your advice for your fellow women — who are parents or soon-to-be parents?
Don’t be too hard on yourself. It is difficult at the start, but you will adjust to the new normal and rise to the occasion. You would be surprised by how you adapt, and how much you can actually accomplish in any given day.
Be strategic with your time. Be selective with how you spend your free time. Find people who you can relate to or who relate to you — other parents in your company (mentor-rings or lean-in circles) or local parents groups can be great resources. Remember through all of this, it’s not just about working mothers — we need to support working fathers as well. Balancing work and family-life is challenging, and in my experience, those challenges are not always gender specific.
Originally published at www.pimothers.com.
