May 30, 2018
How Not to React Instantly…to Everything
‘You needn’t have a repartee for everything,’ said my friend at the gym, with some irritation in her voice.
It then struck me how quickly I reply to everything that is thrown at me in a conversation.
Was it me being defensive, showing off my knowledge, unable to practice the art of listening, and responding even before I absorbed completely what the other person said?
In our effort to be so involved in all our activities, even in our conversations, sometimes we get into hyperactive mode… We react rather than respond.
But at times, no response is also a response…
Very often, nothing is expected of us, but just to give a listening ear…to stay still with the thought and moment, quietly acknowledging the other person’s views.
This is just not true of conversations, but also extends to other aspects of our life, which often don’t need reactions but silent acknowledgment.
Take for instance your response to a traffic jam, a very mundane everyday experience… We can keep honking at the car in front of us and expect it to move faster, but if it’s also stuck because of another, is it really in the driver’s control to move faster?
Can we just not patiently wait till the road clears up, without having to initiate action and sometimes wasted action?
Because energy saved is energy earned…
Acceptance, and the consequent stillness that ensues, are probably the most natural things for a human being to have… But over the ages, due to our shrinking attention spans, we have given greater importance to movement and action.
So how does one get into that frame of absorbing, and doing nothing till needed…
Here are some tips I practise — sometimes successfully, sometimes not — but nonetheless, you may find them useful, and do feel free to add your own in the comment box below.
Participate with full awareness
Participation is about being fully involved or aware in our current activity... That’s 90 percent of it, the remaining 10 percent is action.
The reason being, if we are completely involved and aware of what is happening, we will know perfectly well how to respond, and, like I said earlier, no response will also then become an option.
If you follow the 90–10 rule, you will realise that you expend minimum energy to create a desirable workable response to any situation. The rest of your energy can be put into creating more awareness rather than mindless action.
Work on your breath
Your breath is an accurate gauge of your response to a situation… How you noticed how your heart beats faster when in a state of fear or panic?
The way to respond then, is to first create a normal state for your breath…
So breathe easy, breathe long, and then only when you have complete control over your breath, should you start to take control of a situation.
Simple methods like counting from 1–10 slowly or 10–1 backward, or increasing your time of inhalation and exhalation, will give you some time to absorb a situation before you react to it.
Choose your response mindfully
Once your awareness and breath have both come into play, it will now become easier for you to choose and execute a mindful response.
Mindful responses come after much restraint and meditation; simply because the mind has to be in a state of calm and equipoise…
Mindful responses also require a certain distance from the logical mind — the one who wants to look like the victor, and listen instead to the intellect — the one who wants to take care of the well-being of all.
This requires you to move from reaction to response, from flight and fear to action and creation, from intelligence to compassion.
The wise one is not he who does, but he who feels…and in that feeling participates with his whole and soul, ready to respond or not respond…
In that wisdom, lies his greatness.
Our expression, or lack of it, plays an important role in our lives… How we choose to interact, the words we use, don’t use…the importance we give ourselves and others in conversations, all go onto making the fabric of our lives.
Expression is a choice we make, and hence it becomes important to understand its various nuances…why we struggle with it, and what we can do to improve it.
Pink Pinjra is your space to express yourself, question expression, and decode its various manifestations…
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