Fault and Friendship
13 March 2017
I feel really shitty right now. For contemporary literature we have a project where we have to make a movie with a group. Normally that would be fine, but I have a girl called Alicia in my group. Even though I’ve known her since 9th grade through Japanese, I was still kind of annoyed because I had hoped it would be just me Dhanya and Michelle. Dhanya let her be in our group along with another girl because they had no one else and she didn’t want to be mean by saying no. Anyway, the thing with Alicia is that Aditi had a really shitty past with her during middle school because Alicia and her friends basically ostracized and bullied Aditi. I wasn’t really aware that she still had such a big affect on Aditi and wasn’t really thinking in general so today when our movie group met during lunch, Aditi got really pissed and left because Alicia triggered her anxiety.
She sent this to our group chat:
“okay. i know i sound like a bitch but please please do not bring alicia to our spot. i know that you guys don’t care about my anxiety that much but seriously? that was reallllly low . aha”
“like no matter what i reallly didnt expect that from you guys and it was my first day back too, i understand that yall like her but she caused my anxiety and im NOT ready to deal with that yet. if you ever bring her again LET ME KNOW so i can NOT BE THERE”
I feel really shitty about it but I’m also kind of annoyed? Like why are you out there guilt tripping me “I know you guys don’t care about my anxiety that much”???? “That was realllllly low. aha” “i reallly didn’t expect that from you guys”???? Thanks for thinking our friendship was that shallow. Why are you expecting me to spend all my waking moments worrying about your anxiety when you’re the one saying that your anxiety doesn’t define you. I know I was wrong by forgetting to tell you, but it’s not as though I did it on purpose to hurt you? I wasn’t trying to deliver a “low” blow. Ugh I feel so upset right now. I know in her situation it probably affected her a lot but I don’t believe that she should try to blame it all on us and insinuate that we did it on purpose? And then after I apologize she doesn’t even look at it or reply so I’m just like what do you want.
AND she posts on Twitter that her bully is friends with her friends and we “invited her” to sit with us?? The only reason she’s here is because of the project and we aren’t even friends. Excuse me for being fake and talking to her so I can avoid feeling awkward for four years of Japanese. Especially Dhanya never even talks to her so why she’s assuming we are friends with her bully I’d like to know. What pisses me off the most is that one of her internet friends replied that “they can choke”, “how could they do that to you. imma fight them”???? I never understood why that phrase became a thing. Everytime Aditi uses it I feel so uncomfortable because I feel like death isn’t something you should lightly wish on someone. I’d think after so many years I would mean more to you than that. But instead you say “thanks JoJo ” to your internet friend who says I should choke? Thanks for that I really appreciate it. I know I made a mistake but what the fuck else do you expect me to do but apologize.
I’m just so upset about this right now. Just because I don’t think I have anxiety doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings? Especially when it has to do with my friends, I get really nervous and caught up. Even talking to Dhanya about it after school today I almost started crying and hyperventilating. I really feel like all she had to say was hey next time can you not bring Alicia to our spot I told you guys numerous times I feel uncomfortable around her. That’s it. I don’t understand why she felt like all the personal attacks on our friendship and character were necessary?
