Still Upset
13 March 2017
I just woke up from a nap and now I’m even more upset than before. I can’t stop thinking about it because she ISN’T REPLYING, WHAT DID I EXPECT so I’m stuck in this limbo of confusion and uncertainty. I already knew she probably wouldn’t reply because she’s just that type of person and when she’s pissed she ignores you, but I still feel like shit. I hate when people act as though they can say something so hurtful and then leave it hanging. Maybe your other friends don’t care that much when you ignore them but I wallow. You know I wallow because this has happened before with someone else and I literally spent months feeling shitty about it and telling you how shitty I felt about it. You know how much that affected me so I can’t. I’m just sad because I feel like I don’t know why she’s so pissed. She said she wouldn’t have expected something so low from us, but what did she really expect. Honestly. It’s a fucking project. We didn’t just invite her to sit with us because we had a fucking tea party. Sorry for not having the foresight to warn you, but please don’t accuse me of stooping low “aha” to hurt you because I don’t think you understand how much my friendships mean to me and the effect of your words. You might say, clearly my friendships don’t mean that much if I wasn’t caring enough to realize you would panic from seeing Alicia, but again, I think I can care without spending my entire life thinking about every action I do and if it will trigger your anxiety. We literally just had a conversation the other day about Gauri and how she lets her anxiety define her, but now I feel like that’s what you’re doing. The least you could do is reply after sending such presumed and unfounded words.
She said on twitter that she’s told us multiple times that Alicia makes her uncomfortable so how could we do that to her. Again, I’m sorry. It’s not like we invited her over just to have a friendly chat, it’s just work. People actually do that. I don’t know why she’s doing this. I’m sorry I didn’t have the foresight to see that being uncomfortable with someone equates to having a complete breakdown.
I love how her only reply is to Chung Min about how it’s not her fault.
I love how just because it seems like I don’t have problems or anything to worry about, she thinks this is okay. I do actually think about other things besides Aditi’s Anxiety TM.
I love how she says she “knows” we don’t really care about her anxiety but that what we did today is “realllly” low. Like fuck off with that bullshit. Have all my actions throughout our friendship really insinuated that I don’t care about you? Forget caring about your anxiety. Caring about you is caring about everything about you. So has everything I’ve done really shown that I don’t care about you? Do you want me to treat you like I have to walk on eggshells at every turn? I can, but I really thought we were past that. I really thought everything I’ve done and everything you’ve done would have meant something more than this.
I love how she’s still on twitter retweeting shit and talking about how she wants to play the sims and cry yet she can’t fucking take the time to reply to a situation she blew up about.
The world doesn’t revolve around you. Other people actually have feelings. Don’t say something unless you intend to follow through. Don’t fucking tell me you’re upset if you don’t want to bother hearing me out.
God what am I really apologizing for if she clearly doesn’t give a shit.
