5 strategies for becoming an a**hole
In today’s world, we rarely do anything alone. Interactions with other human beings happen naturally all the time, and they are unavoidable when trying to build a business within a bigger company.
Being cooperative and offering real value to others have always been factors central to success. But how do you do that? This article aims to answer that question by illustrating the opposite — what not to do: be an a**hole.
We’ve all met or worked with a**holes in our lives, but before going any further, let’s first define the loaded term “a**hole”:
An a**hole, in the context of a workplace, is a person who behaves in a way that has a negative effect on team collaboration.
1. Make mindless assumptions
There is a good reason why human beings have developed assumptions — because they drastically shorten the time it takes to make up one’s mind about any situation.
Assumptions work in the majority of — but not all — cases.
Let’s look at an example of incorrect assumptions in the workplace in action. It’s 2pm on a Friday and you’re sitting at your desk, hard at work on your latest project, when your teammate across the room picks up their coat and bag and heads for the door.
You might make the assumption that they’re not as dedicated to the project as you, that their workload will now be pushed onto your plate, that they’re getting preferential treatment, or that they’re simply slacking off because the boss is away. But an innocent explanation is actually far more likely.
The a**hole move is to call them out on it or talk about it behind their back without ever considering that your worst assumptions about them might be false. In reality, that teammate may have started work several hours earlier than you, or they might be working from home that afternoon, or they might simply have an approved reason to take time off that day.
Don’t allow your worst assumptions to guide your behavior. Assume the best of your colleagues, but if what they’re doing is going to create a work-related issue and it’s appropriate to do so, humbly ask a judgment-free but clarifying question. “Hey, Jake. Are you working from home this afternoon or are you finished up for the day?”
2. Fail to communicate expectations
Your personal expectations about the behavior of others are guaranteed to draw you into some high-conflict situations. Do not expect anyone to act in a certain way or do a certain task. If you realize that your expectations have not been met, instead of blaming others, double-check how well you communicated with them and whether you did enough to have them buy into your expectations in the first place.
There is an even greater reason to avoid expectations. When we don’t force our ideals on others, we allow them to be exponentially more creative and efficient.
👨🍳 Roles
“As a senior back-end engineer, you should…”
Unfortunately, I’ve heard sentences that start just like this more than once. And when I did, my a**hole detector immediately went off.
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
Pointing at the roles that others occupy or the titles they carry, expecting them to know a certain fact, take it into account in a specific moment, and act in a certain way — that’s so much of what being an a**hole is all about. A**holes don’t consider that everyone is a unique human with their own strengths, weaknesses, personality traits and perceptions. And that is exactly why teamwork is so valuable: everyone has a different perspective to share, thus bringing different ideas and solutions to the table. Openness to alternative approaches enables innovation.
🔍 Perception
Much of what we expect others to do is underpinned by the assumption that they have a similar understanding of the world in which we operate. This, I dare say, is often false.
One can never expect others to perceive the world the very same way they do.
3. Practice untruthfulness (what a mouthful)
It is obvious that it is important to be truthful — that is, to truly believe in the things you do or say. People are very good at detecting all sorts of untruthfulness, and any perceived dishonesty will often be punished with a lack of interest or limited attention.
Imagine instructing someone to fill in a long, tedious document every week, and then never looking at what they have written. The moment that command is given and the person realizes there will be no one reading those documents, they will naturally lose interest in getting it done.
Forcing people to do something while not believing in the value of it yourself is a short path to becoming an a**hole.
In this example, instead of blaming people for not filling in the documents, it makes more sense to identify what part of the process you or they don’t find valuable and address that.
4. Always believe you’re right
You have probably heard the sayings “there is no right or wrong notion of anything in the world”, “there’s two sides to every coin”, “everything bad also creates something good”, “yin and yang”, etc.
“Right” only exists within a limited context.
If your context even slightly differs from that of others (and it does), you will start to disagree about what is right. Sometimes, to the extreme:
- 🏢 If your context is the company you work for, your goal becomes to grow its revenue.
- 🏳 If your context is the country you live in, you become a patriot.
- 🌍 If your context is the whole planet, you become an environmentalist.
- 🔭 If your context is the whole universe we appear to be in, and we don’t know why it exists and what its purpose is, then ultimately, there is no “right” and “wrong”.
When I present this idea to people, they usually nod along until I set the context as the whole universe (did you feel the same way when reading this? 😄). Then, they often cut me off, saying “that is too far-fetched”. But I disagree because, ultimately, whether you like it or not, by the best scientific theory today, everything exists within the universe with an unknown purpose and there is no reason to forget this.
I understand and accept that, depending on your religion, you might not agree with that idea about the universe, but that just proves the point even more: every truth only exists within a context.
In practice, the best strategy is to stay humble and remain open to the opinions of others, even if you think you know what is right. Whenever you present something as an undeniable truth, be sure to mention the context in which you have come to that conclusion.
5. Have disrespectful interactions
Sometimes, you might find yourself in a situation where you’d like to point out something another person is doing wrong. While it may be constructive and helpful to give feedback to another person, it’s all about the way you do it.
Any thought can be communicated in a variety of ways, but most of the time, the a**holeness comes from or is created by the introduction of rude words, a negative or condescending tone of voice, poor judgment about the time and place to make constructive criticisms, and a lack of context or failure to consider the bigger picture.
It is very important to recognize that the vast majority of people are doing their best and want to do things correctly. Before you make a remark or point out a mistake, consider your own role in the issue. Did you fail to instruct that person clearly or train them correctly? Consider your choice of words and tone of voice. Resorting to shouting, bad language or the rolling of eyes only reveals that you have an inability to control your emotions and communicate effectively. And finally, be professional. If you really need to point out an error or weakness in another, do so as privately and discreetly as possible. Undermining your teammates in front of others is a sure sign that you’re an a**hole.
Bonus scope
Ego ≠ a**hole
Unlike many others, I see ego mostly as a self-defense mechanism, which is not always a bad thing. While too much ego might be perceived as an awful trait, on the other side of the spectrum there is self-doubt and anxiety.
In most cases, it is better to be confident about a few wisely calculated aspects of yourself (within a defined context) than to always be questioning your own self-worth.
But maybe another strategy
Not every strategy presented in this article is always bad. For example, one could say that trying hard not to act like an a**hole is not worth the effort, as some people are too sensitive anyway and need to be poked or even overrun.
I agree that there are many instances where being bold or having expectations is not a bad thing. I would define “a**holeness” in the workplace as any behavior that is destructive toward teamwork (either short-term or long-term) or disrespectful to a team member, which, in my humble opinion, is never a good thing.
When using any of the strategies outlined above, try to be mindful of how it might affect teamwork and the person you’re dealing with.
Conclusion
Teamwork is the key to success in business. There is nothing that would justify behaviors that make team members not want to work together or not want to work with you. When you consistently treat people with dignity and respect, you will reap the rewards in the long term.
Make your team stronger by being an example to follow rather than showing them how to not act.
Let people be open and free in what they do and think twice — or even trice — before judging or criticizing.
Have fun detecting a**holeness! 🕵️
All illustrations used in the article were generated by Dall‧E, openai.com. Prompts used:
- Cute monsters in a heated discussion
- In the office, a cute creature pointing fingers at a cute monster in a heated discussion
- Cute monsters dancing
Many thanks to Susan Elliott, William Sigsworth, and Jevgeni Demidov!
