TRANSLATION HUMOR
25 Common Expressions Decoded
I don’t follow politics = I watched the debate and promptly moved into a cave.
Published in
2 min readAug 3, 2024
- I’m pro-family = I have at least one secret family.
- To make a long story short = I’ve just wasted a lot of your time.
- I’m goal-oriented = You have to pay me to do anything.
- Don’t listen to the haters = Only listen to me, even when I’m hating.
- You only live once (YOLO) = I have no money left.
- I live each day as if it’s my last = I have no money left.
- The future belongs to those who prepare for it = I just came into a lot of money.
- I’m an open book = I’m hiding many, many things.
- I consider myself a pretty happy-go-lucky person = I’m the most tightly-wound human you will ever meet.
- I’m on a cleanse = This food scares me.
- I don’t sweat the small stuff = I’m not detail-oriented.
- Don’t judge a book by its cover = I’m at least 45 years old.
- I am one with the universe = The drugs have kicked in nicely.
- I like my steak still mooing = I’ve never heard of listeria.
- Better late than never = What the fuck took you so long?
- I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt = I still don’t believe you, but I’ve been told there’s nothing I can do about it.
- Treasure every moment = You might be dying.
- No pain, no gain = I’m about to hurt you.
- We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it = Let’s pray we never get anywhere near that bridge.
- So far so good = I have no idea what I’m doing.
- The truth shall set you free = I’ve lost track of which lies I’ve told.
- The ball is in your court = I’ve pretended to try just long enough to dump this all on you.
- It could always be worse = I have never experienced empathy.
- Easier said than done = This isn’t something I’m willing to lift a finger to accomplish.
- Good things come to those who wait = I’m never going to give you what you want.
