Pitfall Reflections
I Am Triggered by the Word ‘Loss’
Took me a long time to understand why
Telling your childhood stories where your family has shaped you to act a certain way is fashion. The thing about fashion is it has a good side and a bad one. In this story, I intend to focus on the transformative aspects of growing up.
To not sound like a helpless adult who has given up their sovereignty, I want to clear a few things.
- We all have been through something uncomfortable, even when our childhood was picture-perfect.
- Our parents or guardians are people who have been doing their best to provide for us while making sure their survival is taken care of.
- Hate or contempt is a useless feeling if not channelled to improve a person’s way of being.
- Patterns should be broken, not tender hearts who were brought up to care for others.
So when did my contempt for losing begin? I am not sure, but it must have something to do with insults. As a very self-aware child, when elders shame you into doing something, it usually sounds like an insult.
- You failed the exam because you were watching cartoons.
- You got hurt because you didn’t do so and so, for your younger sibling.
- Don’t cry when youngsters break your toys. Hell no! When an angry and overwhelmed mother does it.
Not ranking first in school has always put salt in a wound I was unaware of till I began working for the corporate sector.
Corporate is a place where you are challenged.
The men must make you prove you are worthy of the designation you are working on. They have earned the right by just being a male. It is their holy duty. Who are you to join them?
Like even in 2016, people must be made aware of their biases.
I thought it was understandable for adults to do as they please. But when the adult is a woman, the respect of the household and the entire community is at stake, not because men deem it fit to harass, molest or taunt women, but because some women chose to do something that a great majority of their kind is unwilling to.
No wonder six years working in the corporation was a nightmare filled with anxiety and worries about what could go wrong.
Another severe problem is when you are a woman perceived as better than the majority of your coworkers, candidates who are not fit for the job deem it necessary to judge and hinder you.
The worry they will lose their place within the organisation if proper systems and processes are followed makes them do things which fall outside the domain of decency. The department being independent scares them, for they feel they will no longer be needed.
A similar feeling was felt by many Copywriters when AI was rolled out. Though many companies were using different AI tools to gain a competitive advantage long before ChatGPT was a norm, many professional writers were hit by the firing wave.
This incident clarified the notion further that large companies work for profit. Most of the CEOs even claim openly that they are not running charities. Yet the majority of the workforce — who is happily living a content life with a job, a house, a family and a holiday to celebrate every year, fails to see they are slaving their life for a living.
They will be angry when reminded.
Another elusive element within the working sector is that you can force or shame people into action. Research suggests that recognition goes a long way, and individuals cannot operate under strict scrutiny.
Most companies deem it mandatory to function with a tyrant-like demeanour. Managers instil fear of punishment to ensure loyalty to their side. So when things do go wrong, employees are left with the only option to hide their misconduct or blame others — both strategies are detrimental to the long-term success of a team.
The said conduct also breeds a hostile environment and saps individuals of their ability to work at their best, as they are always on the lookout for an internal threat that might cost them their jobs.
Even when they sense manipulation, they don’t speak up as the culture is groomed around the idea of “everyman for themselves”, making individual employees guard their interests at the expense of the team’s success. Whether they sabotage other people’s best interests is a matter of morals and values.
Those who lack values use other people’s weaknesses to arm themselves against a threat that is present only in their minds.
If the fear of losing makes you competitive such that you wish to do your very best at everything, you are doing it for a promotion. So, a colleague must move their gears to sabotage your efforts at every step, and when they are a higher-up, they do so by blaming you for their mistakes or outright pointing out your mistakes in a meeting or gathering.
In the real world, people at every step will prove to you that there is no room for your weakness, but when you try to camouflage it or turn it into something positive, you are seen as a threat that must be actively destroyed.
Confidence — a requirement for many roles, is then viewed as a skill you will use to climb a ladder faster than someone else. They must slow you down because it’s not the unsupportive and somewhat toxic behaviours that will push you towards burnout but your competitiveness.
No matter the course of your action, you will be forced to step down, as the system was never designed to care for tender hearts. But.
- Do we have to keep going down a destructive path? or
- Is there a better alternative that we are not willing to experiment with?
When dealing with problems that are a norm, we fail to realise our power as a sovereign being.
Be it our homes, schools or offices, we are the rule makers and breakers. If we wish to advance in any area, there must be a healthy balance between compromise and new ways of doing things. Using shame as a powerful tool to seek alliance or collaboration is a disastrous way of building any relationship.
You might not win every battle, but if we focus on individual aspirations, we can create a society conducive to nurturing individual’s strengths while safeguarding their best interests.
So when they do lose they’ll understand:
- This is not what I want to do.
- I have to improve my best to win.
What do you think?
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