Pitfall Parenting
Meats Make Me Believe That I Can Do This
Delicious coping strategies for brain-dead dads
When my second baby arrived, I was over the moon, but fuuuuuck, it was hard!
During the pandemic, people were afraid the vaccine would turn them into zombies when, in reality, having more than one kid will do that to you. That’s why we should all be hesitant about procreation. We should all be anti-kixxers. As soon as I have the energy, I’m making a banner, “My mental health, my choice.”
For most of the first weeks, I felt like a zombie, and it had not even been two weeks since my second had arrived. I was in such a state of disorientation that I’d probably believe anything I was told.
Now I understand why the Mormons are so gullible; that many wives and kids are bound to fry your brain like a poorly cooked sunny-side-up. “Oh, yeah, evil people are of darker complexion like me. I can believe tha… Mateo, get the fuck down from there before I change my mind about spanking.”
I knew having two kids would be exponentially hard, but I had no idea how exponentially. My mind is poor at multiplying that kind of magnitude.
Technology saved me through it all.
