HERE LIES SATIRE (DON’T COME AT ME IN THE COMMENTS, OR DO, CAUSE $)

A 30-second listicle of temporary insanity

Debdutta Pal

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Published in

Pitfall

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2 min read

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Dec 9, 2024

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1. I had a headache. What? That’s a valid excuse.
2. I was reading amazeballs parodies of Staff Picks to regain my sanity.
3. You published 6.5 stories in the last 24 hours. A promo counts as half.
4. I was throwing off the spam filter by disorganizing my engagement.
5. I forgot about you. I should make a spreadsheet. I will. Tomorrow.
6. You pinned so many stories on your profile that I missed the latest one.
7. I got stuck on three 11 minute-reads in a row. And I’m out of face mist.
8. You said you don’t read fiction. The whole genre. I took it personally.
9. I’ve read 3 stories of yours. You are yet to reciprocate. I’ll wait.
10. You’re funnier. And have twice as many claps. Thus, I’m in stealth mode.
11. My inbox is choked. I can send photographic evidence after I clear it.
12. You never replied to my comments. Any of them. That’s top-writer-toxic.
13. I was on vacation. If you’d read the notes on my last story, you’d know.