A review of #GamerGate, the new killer game for all Internet compatible consoles.
Wow. Let me tell you, if you haven’t heard of #GamerGate, the latest and greatest game on ‘the Internet’, you’re missing out. It’s the biggest new release since Doom!
In #GamerGate, you pick one of two sides to play. For my limited access review code, which I recieved from the developers along with five hundred thousand dollars in cash, I decided to join the ‘SJW’ faction, but boy, was that a mistake!
The basic plotline to the game is something like this: ‘Gamers’ and ‘SJWS’ had an unreconcilable split at some point in the unimaginably distant past which really doesn’t matter anymore, kind of like that whole Elves and Orcs thing in Tolkien or whatever. The ‘SJWS’ overthrew the ‘Gamer’ empire with their special attack, called Feminism, and this rift has continued to the present day.
The plucky ‘Gamers’, a faction of independent rebels who society wrongfully frowns upon, embarked on a long campaign of resistance against the ‘SJW’ overlords, using cunning guerilla attacks to overthrow the underlying power that allows Feminism to dictate what games are made and they are allowed to play.
The game is played over a territory called ‘Video Games Journalism’, and early gains by the ‘SJW’s seem to have been erased by the recent assault in the Twitterfront on some of the ‘SJW’s prime allies, women. Victory for the ‘Gamers’ presently seems inevitable.
While ‘Gamers’ had some early setbacks and difficulty coordinating themselves, boy, let me tell you, this fight is a foregone conclusion.
Within the gameplay of the game, the ‘SJW’s only real attacks and special abilities, besides the ‘Feminism’ tree, include reasoned discourse and appeals to reason. While this gave them an early lead in ‘Video Games Journalism’, ‘Gamers’ have proven to discover a way to buff themselves with a set of resistance gear that gives them COMPLETE immunity to all discourse, reason, and Feminist propaganda. The ‘SJW’ attacks have absolutely no effect whatsoever.
Meanwhile the ‘Gamers’ various attacks, although they claim plausible deniability, range from harassment to doxxing, outright emotional abuse to death threats. While some members of the ‘SJW’s have attempted to dual class, this hasn’t had much of an effect beyond allowing ‘Gamers’ to deploy the ‘False Flag of Justification’, an epic level artefact which allows them to band together in an even tighter formation with even greater resistances to all attacks.
Play is reasonably straightforward, taking place on any forum, media source, or other social contact method possible. I was even contacted through Steam (which I had no idea was part of the game — it was apparently integrated through a patch while I wasn’t looking) with the most popular ‘Gamer’ weapon in the early game, before the competitive balance was revisisted, the ‘Five Guys’ video.
Attacks are made by saying things, with frontal attacks making use of the words ‘GamerGate’ or ‘#GamerGate’, which allows all players to gather and battle. Stealth attacks may be made without the tags, but risk being viewed as the activities of unrelated NPCs not part of the game. These are especially easy to dismiss either with the ‘False Flag of Justification’, or the ‘SJW’ equivalent, ‘I’m pretty sure that’s unrelated bullshit, you paranoid misogynist.’
Having picked the ‘SJW’ side, I feel generally powerless before the ‘Gamer’ onslaught. As I’ve said, they’re completely immune to all attack, and while there has been limited conversion and faction-hopping, on the whole the game looks quite hopeless.
I’m pretty sure we can’t win.
On the bright side, when we’ve all forgotten about #GamerGate, whether it’s a few weeks from now or a few years, only the most die hard players — likely ‘Gamers’ yet to tire in the vicarious thrill of their ultimate immunity against ‘Feminism’ and the brutal effectiveness of their attacks — will still be playing.
For the rest of us, it’ll be business as usual, with perhaps a few discussions on patreon disclosures to remind us of the heady days of the brief period of pseudorelevancy of this blockbuster title’s subject matter, before the game balance creaked inexorably in favour of immune ‘Gamer’ resistance/harassment builds, making all other gameplay impossible.
Full disclosure: I did not receive any undue consideration from the creators of #GamerGate or its publishers, the Internet. Money? You can’t prove anything and none of my fellow reviewers or the press at large will have any interest at all in investigating that, ha ha.
10/10
This was not a paid advertorial
all views are the author’s own
