A Bougie Life of A 6-Year-Old Kid
What I considered a lavish life as a child taught me about how I spend my money as an adult.
It’s finally payday. I’m scrolling through e-commerce sites to buy clothes and accessories I can wear every day. Another item was added to my shopping cart. Add to cart, click, pay, and done! No wonder people prefer buying stuff online and become addicted to it. It’s quick, it has seemingly endless options and it is right at our fingertips. I still remember when purchasing something meant I had to go outside with my mom or my whole family. It’s so easy to empty our wallets now.
There are two kinds of pains caused by money, the pain of discipline in spending money with restraint and the pain of regret after spending it. Spending money can be more of a burden than anything else for some people, including me. There’s a satisfaction after I swiped my card, but the guilt of letting go of hard-earned money often outweighs the satisfaction.
On paydays, my mom would often tell me, “Kids these days live an easy life. You should be grateful because you can spend your money on your own. When I got my first job, I gave all my money to my mom. I always put myself last unlike you”. She would also tell me that I should be investing my money towards things that will last for my future life, like a car, a wedding, or a house. I know that she has good intentions, but sometimes it makes me feel invalidated; as if I’m responsible for the struggle that my mom went through when she was young, when in fact I’m not.
I’ve been trying my best to save my money and not ask my parents for more unless it’s very urgent. I still spend my money on seemingly trivial things like my favorite food, snacks, and personal care. But buying personal care and clothes is something that my mom always criticized me for. She always brags about herself as a woman who embraces ‘natural beauty’ and does not like to be viewed as someone frivolous, but that doesn’t mean I have to be like her. I feel good when I put on some light makeup and dress up.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my mom dearly, but why should I feel guilty for caring about my appearance? I get that vain women do exist, and some of them often atone their outward appearance with lavish camouflage to hide their insecurity. Nevertheless, if it’s their own money and if they’re happy with that, then we should just let them be.
I don’t proclaim myself as a fashionista but I’ve always been keen on fashion. I don’t follow every fashion trends, but I love aesthetically pleasing outfits. When I see one, my mind immediately thinks of how it was possibly made, what colors go with the outfit, and how the outfit makes me feel a certain way.
Also, I usually prioritize comfort and what looks good on me rather than how well-known the brand of my clothes are. I didn’t come from a wealthy family, so my closet doesn’t look like a miniature department store. I could wear a IDR 20.000 (equivalent to approximately USD 1,5) shirt and go about with my day. I didn’t realize it’s pretty strange for some people until my friend once responded to my Instagram story, asking whether or not I’m ashamed of going to Cimol (a super cheap thrift store in my city). I was baffled. What’s so wrong with buying cheap/second-hand clothes? It’s just a piece of clothing. At the end of the day, if it looks good on me, who cares about what anybody says? I can wear an IDR 500.000 shirt, and still look lame if I don’t know how to style it and don’t feel confident in it.
The reactions from the people around me made me think back to my childhood. When I was in second or third grade, I used to draw clothing designs using colorful markers. I was heavily inspired by anime series such as Tokyo Mew Mew, Minky Momo, Girls (an Indonesian children’s magazine), and an Indonesian TV sitcom called OB (Office Boy).
In OB, there was this cute secretary lady named Sascha, whom I adored so much because of the way she dressed and decorated her desk. All of her office supplies and outfits were purple. 8-year-old me was so awed that I decided to draw a lot of her dresses.
It continued to be my hobby for months. Every time I saw a pretty dress from a magazine, cartoon, or TV show, I would draw it on a piece of paper at any moment. With time, I started to come up with my own designs which I named. My dad decided to compile all of my designs and put them in a folder. Thank god he did that because it was such a precious little portfolio of mine.
It’s clear to me now that as a kid, I’ve always dreamt of having a bougie life. Who doesn’t want a life where you can buy and own anything without looking at the price tag? A big house, a nice car, beautiful outfits, and a happy family. Of course, my ideas of what bougie life looked like as a child was wildly different from what adults might think as bougie. Here are some trends that I used to rock as a little girl to live that fantasy.
Four-Wheeled Pink Roller Shoes
If there’s anything that I care the most about when dressing up, it’s shoes. My taste in shoes hasn’t changed that much. Boots, chunky, and bulky shoes, are what I love the most, including these four-wheeled pink roller shoes. Nearly every girl in my neighborhood and my kindergarten owned these shoes. Some of them can even light up when you walk! I was jealous and begged my parents so I could be like the other girls. But they couldn’t afford it at that time. So oftentimes, I borrowed from my friends’ and we took turns to slide through an empty house that had a slanted terrace in our neighborhood. My dad ended up buying me a secondhand inline roller skate instead. I still have no idea where he got that. It might not be as pretty as the pink roller but I felt like I was the coolest kid because technically it was harder & riskier to use inline skates. Looking back, I realized this type of shoes were pretty heavy and unsafe. I remember some of my friends were injured while trying to skate in them on our neighborhood’s damaged streets. But I was so proud of myself despite numerous bruises and scars on my legs from trying to skate in it.
Glitter Nail Polish
These are glittery nail polish that I could get for only IDR 500 a pouch at toy vendors nearby every school. It was such a hassle to apply. The plastic packaging often made the nail polish harden after an hour because I didn’t know how to seal it after I cut the tip to use them. There was also the struggle of messy application that had frustrated me so much. But after applying it, I felt like I was the daintiest, most glamourous girl in the room. I had to buy it secretly though because my mom would scold me. She told me that I can’t do my prayers (Sholat) with nail polish on because it would prevent my nails from absorbing water during wudu¹, making my wudu incomplete. To remove the polish, I didn’t need to use acetone. I just had to wait until 2 to 3 days and it would peel itself because of the poor quality. It was my first introduction to the satisfying feeling of peeling things off a surface.
The Ruler Bracelet
Have you ever felt annoyed because your cheap plastic ruler breaks right when you have to use it in class? Well, I didn’t have to worry about that because not only was mine flexible, it could also be worn as a bracelet wherever I went, whenever I wanted while channeling my inner Jimmy Neutron fantasy. Besides that, I could use it to slap those annoying friends who kept bothering me or stealing my Harvest loose leafs (Harvest loose leafs were the fanciest of loose leafs for notebooks).
Magical Wand
This magical wand was the most wanted toy back in the day. Not only did it glow to give your fairy-fantasy a more whimsical look, but it also let out magical, sparkling tunes when you swung it. I begged my mom to buy this so desperately. When she finally bought it for me, I could not be any happier. I loved to turn the wand on in a dark room. And when it shined, I couldn’t take my eyes off of it. I was so mesmerized. It was my favorite toy ever.
The rise of demand for this toy was caused by the skyrocketing popularity of an Indonesian soap opera called Bidadari (Angel). The most lovable character was a fairy godmother named Ibu Peri. I was so obsessed with that show. I used to role-play with my friend where I acted as Ibu Peri. A piece of mukenah (a long hijab worn for praying by Indonesian Muslim women) top was worn to create Ibu Peri’s wings. The role-plays were so lively and fun!
Pink Chinese Cell Phone Toy
*phone rings*
“Can I help you?”
*phone rings*
*woof woof*
“Ai ai ai I’m your little butterfly”
I’m sure late 90’s kids would recognize this very irritating yet nostalgic tune. It’s the tune of almost every Chinese toy in the market. Surprisingly, the tune was a chorus from an English song titled Butterfly by a Swedish duo girl group named Smile. It’s still a mystery to this day as to why this song became an anthem for Chinese toys. The pink phone specifically was popular among girls like me. Nothing beats the image of a 6-year-old me acting b*tchy and bossy while aggressively hanging up my imaginary call on this absolutely fabulous phone toy.
A Rainbow Hair Extensions
It may be every little girl’s dream to have colorful hair because a lot of female cartoon characters have colorful hair. I could not dye my hair like them, so these rainbow hair clips did the trick. Even though it got tangled in my hair so many times because the spring clip that was used to attach the hairpiece wasn’t of good quality, I still felt like a princess living my rainbow unicorn hair fantasy when I put them on.
Handmade Necklace and Bracelet
There was a kid’s craft store near my house that mainly sold beads and supplies for kids accessories called Toko Blink-Blink. This store became so popular within days of its opening. My girlfriends and I were always ready to purchase new beads and threads almost every week. I built my earliest entrepreneurship experience by selling the bracelets that we made to our friends in school. We also made friendship bracelets with the half-heart charms to symbolise our bonds.
A Surfer Girl T-Shirt
Surfer Girl is a fun-loving brand for kids, teens and women, based in the beautiful sunny tropical island in Bali, Indonesia. This fashion brand was pretty well known among girls back then. In the photo is my yellow pink Surfer Girl shirt that I would never get tired of wearing, even though there were soy sauce and marker stains on it. I also had a very cheap blue Surfer Girl backpack that my mom bought at Kosambi (a traditional market in my city) and I did not want to change to another brand until I found another brand 2 years later.
Fake Money Toys
Bougie for me as a child also meant spending money to buy more money. Well, the ones fabulously adorned with Teletubbies or Hello Kitty anyway. I tossed it around like I was a billionaire. But I realise now that playing shop with my friends using these fake notes also taught me how to add and subtract, thus helping me learn a real-life skill! I was running my own pretend store, buying up properties in Monopoly, and just enjoying having a few piles of money in hand.
I also had a bad experience with one. I once tried to fool a stall keeper to buy snacks using these fake notes and tried to run away before she noticed it. Her name is Mrs Mita. I can still hear her soft voice in my ear calling me and telling me to never steal from anybody and how honesty is important. She told me, “lying and stealing may get you out of trouble temporarily but it will ruin other people’s trust that you may never regain”. That was another life lesson that I will never forget.
All of the things listed above used to make me happy. Living my simple bougie fantasy without worry. Now that I am a 23-year-old woman, all of those fantasies seems so nonsensical. But looking back on all the treasures I had as a child gave me a new perspective on my current self.
What Bougie Means to Me Now
So, what does bougie actually mean?
Bougie stems from bourgeoisie. The word “bourgeoisie” is a term that originated from France used in the 1500s to describe people who lived in a town. So while “bourgeoisie” originally simply meant “middle class,” nowadays, it has a more negative undertone. It can mean fancy, label-obsessed, avaricious, or refer to people who think they’re high class, when in reality they aren’t. Apparently, this phenomenon exists all around us.
Let’s be real, who doesn’t want to look like the men and women in high fashion magazines? But truth be told, most of us don’t have the income to support that fantasy, we have “broke b*tch/college student/ fresh graduate” incomes. We seek deals, coupons, or vouchers. But you know what, it’s okay. We shouldn’t feel ashamed to spend money we’ve worked hard for. If it FITS into your budget, you absolutely deserve to treat yourself. Bougie doesn’t always have to be viewed as negative or desperate.
For me, bougie means people who can express themselves and unapologetically be their authentic self without fear of being judged, people who embrace their uniqueness, people who are not afraid to boost their confidence by wearing or owning things that make them happy.
How I Spend My Money Now
Even though I still sometimes feel guilty for spending my own money, I’ve been working to minimize that guilt. I realize a big reason why I feel guilty about spending money is I fear that it could be going towards something better or more important. In order to do that, I limit impulse purchases by having my own financial plan.
A good rule of thumb of mine is that 50% of my paycheck goes to a credit union, 25% should be reserved to spend however I want (leisure, foods, gifts, shopping), 10% for transport and health, 15% for alms² and for backup in case something urgent happens. I must say, the most expensive item I purchase is skincare. I don’t really mind if my clothes or makeup are cheap (except for foundation), but I’m pretty picky about skincare because it’s a long term use and affects my largest organ (skin) directly, whereas I can stylize and revamp clothes whenever I want.
I used to think budgeting is restrictive. But it’s actually freeing once I try to write down my outcomes. It’s a form of self-care. The feeling of knowing that buying my favorite ramen isn’t going to stop me from paying for my motorcycle tune-up, buying an iPad, purchasing a house someday, or traveling/going to a BTS concert once this pandemic is over, is liberating. By having my own financial plan, I have permitted myself to spend money on fun things. I like to call it bougie on a budget.
At the end of the day, no matter how much you spend your own money, not everyone is going to like or support your choices. You can’t control what people think of you, so let it be their problem. There are things far worse in this world than a working-class being bougie. If it works for you, and it doesn’t hurt anyone, then just do it. Live your life as you want.
And to 6-year-old me, I can’t say that I’m completely happy now, but I also don’t live a regretful life. Even though I still have a long way to go, I’m still grateful for the way I am now. I promise myself no matter how hard life is going to be, I will always try to embrace you, the you who was not afraid of having fun and being yourself by making sure that I don’t lose touch with my creative side, and continue to express myself as authentically as I can.
Footnote
- Wudu: Wuḍūʾ is the islamic procedure for cleansing parts of the body, a type of ritual purification , or ablution. Wudu consists of washing the face, arms, then wiping the head and finally washing the feet with water. (Wikipedia.com)
- Alms: money, food, or other donations given to the poor or needy; anything given as charity
