The Astronaut
A piece inspired by The Astronaut performed by Jin from BTS
There were two sets of tables and chairs facing the pool. Two people sat down, one girl and one man. She smoked menthol and he smoked filter. Sometimes there were other people, but every time they were together, it felt like there wasn’t anyone else.
They talked about boys, which ones were losers and which ones were good enough. They talked about happiness and success and what that felt like to each of them. It was subjective, of course, as it would be for everyone else. He told her that nothing she does matter unless she could prove that it was something that genuinely made her feel happy and safe. She told him that everything she did was out of love.
He would say that he was doing this out of love. Forgiving her, tolerating her questionable choices in men, loving Kpop songs, and sitting in the chair across from her in front of the swimming pool. He said to her that she wasn’t being fair either way, because anything she would do, he would let her out of love. She laughed at that.
Long before, they sat at a cafe, drinking lattes and eating sandwiches. They talked about much serious matters then. What it felt like to live after surviving, staying spiritual without God, loving others before loving self, and being okay with death. She smoked menthol and he smoked a much heavier cigarette. She was depressed but she had a new boyfriend. He didn’t like him. But he liked that she was getting better.
Because before the cafe, they sat in a small gray room with another person taking notes. Back then, she would ask him for advice and he would tell her what to do. He convinced her that she was just being normal, that everything was alright. She believed every single word that came out of his mouth. He rehabilitated her from an addict, a trauma-ridden child, and a paralyzed teenager to the confident woman she is today. She never thought she would love a man this much, but my god, does she love him.
He was her therapist, her friend, and her father.
And she misses him every day.
