Platoboy and the Solipsist Slide Down a Banister of Razor Blades into a Wading Pool of Lime Juice

Dramatis Personae
Platoboy: an enthusiastic believer in Enlightenment values.
Solipsist: a sardonic, captious, humorous nihilist.

Solipsist: Hey Platoboy, Would you rather be electrocuted by a very large electric boat battery or dismembered by a very big shark?

Platoboy: That’s easy, Solly. I’ll take electrocution every single time.

Solipsist: Really, P.B.? Well, I guess great minds think alike.

Platoboy: What makes you say that, Solly? Are you a dyed-in-the-wool die by electrocution guy?

Solipsist: I guess you could say that, but I was thinking about someone else, who has a sort of relationship with M.I.T. Very smart.

Platoboy: That could only be one person, Solly. You must be talking about that wrestler guy.

Solipsist: Yeah. That’s right. The guy who is a combination of Jesus and another Jesus.

Platoboy: Solly, have you been chewing marbles again? There is only one Jesus.

Solipsist: Oh no, P.B. That’s where you’re wrong. Don’t you watch professional baseball games? There’re all kinds of Jesuses.

Platoboy: What? Are you making fun of Spanish-speakers’ naming conventions?

Solipsist: Hell no! That would be racist. I’m not making fun of anybody. But you have to admit that it’s a little confusing when you run into a guy named Jose Maria.

Platoboy: See? That’s what I’m sayin’. You’re a racist pig, Solly.

Solipsist: Why? Because I’d rather be electrocuted than eatocuted by a shark?

Platoboy: No. Because you think it’s okay to demean the customs and conventions of others.

Solipsist: Maybe I do; and maybe I do.

Platoboy: Now who’s like that M.I.T.-wrestler-Jesus guy?

Solipsist: What do you mean, P.B.?

Platoboy: I mean, the guy who thinks that getting convicted of thirty-four felonies puts him on a good footing with an entire demographic, who he decided long ago weren’t desirable tenants.

Solipsist: This is getting confusing, P.B.

Platoboy: What’s confusing? Electrocution is infinitely preferable to having your leg bitten off by a shark that is not angry, but only confused because it doesn’t understand what you’re doing swimming there.

Solipsist: P.B. What in the contumacious hell are you talking about?

Platoboy: Me, Solly? I’m very concerned about cheap Chinese electric cars.

Solipsist: Yeah. They do put out some serious current.