Instead of creating future leaders, mentoring gone wrong creates people who build an unhealthy dependence on their mentor.
Many leaders accept to become mentors for some of their employees or even for independent entrepreneurs. Mentoring is not the same as training or teaching, but more subtle. Instead of telling people what to do, mentors share their experiences, examples of ways in which they dealt with various situations, and introduce their mentees to various other people in their network.
Thus, mentoring is a way of recognizing, honing and perfecting talents in your organization, either as future successors for your role, or as peers you will be able to count on in complex situations. The nature of mentoring is, however, misunderstood by many managers and leaders who would make great mentors.
Instead of telling people what to do, mentors share their experiences, examples of ways in which they dealt with various situations, and introduce their mentees to various other people in their network.
This lack of grasping the true meaning of mentoring is the reason why the term has become tainted by wrong forms and interpretations. The result? Instead of creating future leaders, mentoring gone wrong creates people who build an unhealthy dependence on their mentor.
Therefore, these are the most important dos and don’ts in mentoring:
DO: Offer Constructive Criticism
A mentor’s role involves correcting various mistakes in their mentees’ work procedures and business practices. However, the tone makes the music, so it is important to share your views and correct the mistakes in a constructive manner. People are open to learning and correcting their error when told in a professional and friendly manner. Patronizing tones and negative attitudes never taught anyone anything.
DON’T: Micromanage Your Mentee
It is one thing to show someone the way, and it is something completely different to grab them by the hand and pull them in that direction. A mentor’s role is to provide guidance, not push people along a certain path at any cost. Sometimes your mentee is not at the right conjecture in their life and professional level to go that way. At other times, they feel your advice is not the right one. Either way, your mentoring is supposed to help mentees find their way, not cut a specific path for them.
DO: Share Your Past Mistakes as Lessons
A mentee will feel closer to their mentor and more able to follow in their footsteps if they hear about their past failures. Humanizing yourself by sharing your mistakes will teach your mentee how to avoid those pitfalls and will build a stronger trust between the two of you. It will also help you redefine your own strategy for avoiding mistakes, by revisiting those moments from a fresh perspective.
DON’T: Pretend You Know More Than You Do
Do not make your mentee believe you are larger than life and hold the answer to every issue. You may make a mistake in your everyday business decisions or even during a mentoring session. In that moment, all the trust built between you and the mentee will be lost, together with the good advice you gave them in the past.
DO: Encourage Your Mentee to Share Personal Experiences
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. Mentoring involves both professional and personal growth. Many mentors and mentees become friends outside the business environment. Sometimes, they join efforts together in a business venture. Being friendly does not negate professionalism in your mentoring sessions.
DON’T: Create a Sense of Favoritism Concerning Your Mentee
Being friendly and open for advice is one thing, being biased in promoting and rewarding your mentee is totally different — and unacceptable. Plus, you won’t be doing your mentee any favors: the rest of the team will develop a sense of disregard towards them, and the title of “protégée of…” will accompany them throughout their professional life — and not in a positive manner.
DO: Set Realistic Milestones for Your Mentee
Steve Jobs did not create the Mac computers we see for sale on his first try. Henry Ford did not come up with the Model T overnight. Professional growth is a constant learning curve, with mistakes and with attainable goals. When that goal is too high and the learning curve too abrupt, the mentee will give up or consider themselves a failure for being unable to reach it.
DON’T: Overreact When Your Mentee Makes a Mistake
Your mentee will make mistakes along the road. They will understand something inaccurately, they will try something on their own, and so on. You should not abandon them. Provide constructive criticism in your feedback, but continue to be supportive. These are the moments when your mentoring matters the most — in failure. Having someone by their side will hone a future professional who is confident and willing to learn all the time. And this is the best reward of your mentoring work.
This article was originally published on pldx.org.
