You Are Not Afraid of Abandonment, You’re Afraid of being Discarded
Adults cannot be abandoned.
One of the fundamental lessons in psychology is the fact that as adults, we cannot be abandoned. This truth is a difficult pill to swallow because we can certainly feel like we’ve been abandoned.
Abandonment occurs when someone is responsible for you (a parent, caretaker, or guardian), but they leave you high and dry. Abandonment can happen when you are a child, when you are ill, or when you are elderly. Basically, when you are in a position where someone else is needed to be responsible for your wellbeing.
For the most part, adults do not need someone to be responsible for their wellbeing.
This means that we cannot be abandoned; but we can be discarded. And given the childhood trauma most of us experience around attachment — our fear of being discarded is a dangerous beast to lay bare.
Childhood Abandonment Wounds & Adulthood
How were you abandoned in your childhood?
One of my clients was abandoned when she was 8 and social services came to her home to take her away from her mother. Her mother never wanted them to be separated, and fought hard to get her daughter back. It took over a year to finally regain…
