Goyim In the News
July 2, 2017
Lost on Space
The dearest wish of 7 billion humans — that the sitting President of the United States return to the planet that spawned (and then presumably deported) him — has moved a step closer to reality. Promising to dispel concerns driven by earlier rumors that Über had refused to provide Trump with interstellar transportation (explaining, “when it comes to sexism, even we have some standards”), a new hope emerged on Friday. In a surprise ceremony in Washington, the Leader of the Free World — known on his home world simply as “that creepy orange dude” — signed an executive order re-establishing the National Space Council, an organization nobody knew had been disbanded, because nobody knew it had ever existed.
At the event, the Commander in Chief delivered an address graciously recognizing the four male astronauts in the room, before going on to blather incomprehensibly for several more minutes, as is his custom. Shortly after formalities ended, the White House aide that had permitted an unacknowledged fifth, female astronaut to appear fully clothed in Trump’s presence was reportedly reprimanded and dropped into the gaping maw of the billionaire’s personal sarlacc, to be slowly digested for the next 1,000 years.
Is it good for the Jews? No. More money for a space program that’s nothing more than a haven for escaped Nazis!? Feh!
Drowning Masses Yearning to Breathe
European foreign ministers are meeting today in Paris (where did you think they’d meet — Detroit?) to discuss the challenge of preventing millions of starving, homeless, and terrified brown people from arriving on their shores. Europe continues to struggle to develop a final solution to the refugee problem, which — in an incredible coincidence — developed on the heels of US and EU leaders’ successful efforts to avoid interceding in any way to prevent the slaughter of those selfsame unwhite civilians.
Is it good for the Jews? A bunch of European leaders are getting together to come up with ways to ensure their racial purity by denying entry to an unpopular minority: I’ll let you decide.
