A.L.O.H.A- An Indigenous Framework to Guide Complex Conversations
Communication is vital to our teams, business, and organizational health. What is misunderstood about communication is the tools to effectively communicate with others, especially when the topic is sensitive or complex. If we’re not careful, these types of conversations can quickly descend into disagreements, leaving all parties feeling defensive and unheard.
Engaging in meaningful conversations means asking strategic questions that inspire change in all parties and co-create a new path toward personal and social transformation. Writer and social activist the late Fran Peavey, describes strategic questioning as an essential tool for rebellion. She said, “Asking the right kind of questions can change entire institutions and cultures, and it empowers people to create strategies for change.”
Change can be scary. It can also be a positive force of transformation. It is important to remember that strategies are based on relationships, and open communication allows for building strong partnerships between people.
The key is to ask questions that challenge the status quo while also allowing for paths forward; this type of questioning helps bring past issues out in the open to address them and move forward with innovative solutions. Examples of strategic questions may include:
-What are the underlying assumptions in this situation?
-How can we work together to create a better future?
-What would be the best outcome for all involved?
-How do our values inform this decision
The Value of Inquiry
Therefore it is important to lean into inquiry. Inquiry is vital, as is asking questions. The value of inquiry is a process of learning that involves investigating multiple sources of information, thinking critically to make sense of the information gathered, and reflecting to make meaning of our learning. Inquiry helps us create a deeper understanding and allows for exchanging ideas that can lead to meaningful collaboration.
The key is to be open-minded and curious, keep the conversation going with respect and empathy, and do it with humility that appreciates our own ignorance and unfamiliarity with the other’s experience. When we lean into inquiry and are genuinely curious, we can learn more about and from each other.
If we are going to ask questions and lean into inquiry, we will need to be ready to listen. We should be listening more than passively or waiting for the chance to respond. Staying engaged in complex conversations validates the importance of all persons being heard, understood, and honored. Learning to listen actively, without judgment or jumping to conclusions, shows others how much we value their relationship.
Be Aware of the Somatic Response
Although there can be quite a dilemma when engaging in a conversation that involves polarizing ideologies. I discovered that staying present when the conversation shifts from a friendly dialogue to an intense disagreement can be one of the greatest challenges. My body naturally falls into protection mode. The cascading emotions activate my sympathetic nervous system, known as the “fight or flight” network, and my blood pressure escalates as cortisol furiously pumps into my bloodstream. Cognitive dissonance is activated, and emotions escalate when there is a conflict between our values and beliefs that is not in alignment with the person we’re conversing with.
Being aware of what is happening in our body during an activating conversation and practicing the power of pausing to breathe amid adversity allows us to stay present in the conversation. We are showing up with strength and courage to move through these conversations authentically and effectively, which will contribute to building emotional stability, resilience, and team culture.
Aloha is More Than Just a Greeting
Most people understand that Aloha is a simple Hawaiian greeting or expression. But according to Aunty Mary Kawena Pukui, author of the Hawaiian dictionary, the word, Aloha, has many meanings and is associated with many core values.
Aloha means more than just hello. It also represents a deep sense of respect and unconditional love for ourselves (Kanaka), our family (Ohana), our friends, and the world around us (Lāhui). Aloha encourages living in harmony with the land (‘Āina) and all its creatures. The spirit of Aloha implies kindness, compassion, mutual understanding, and tolerance of others.
Aloha is more than just a word; it’s an attitude, an expression of love, and being in the present moment. It is a way to connect with people on a deeper level, creating harmony and balance in our lives.
To help people engage in difficult conversations with grace, empathy, responsibility, and accountability, I created the Indigenous framework of A.L.O.H.A.
Through my doctoral research into the ancient root of the word, Aloha, I revealed a much deeper meaning.
Alo- forward facing
Hā — Breath of Life
This evolved meaning of the simple greeting translates to sharing the breath of life through dialogue. When we conversate with another, our words are carried through our breath.
Breath is life, and life is sacred; therefore, our words should be sacred too.
Now, it is critical to state that many conversations that could cause a cortisol dump need to be had. Especially in these conversations, we must practice Aloha with the utmost respect, humility, and love for the transformation of all parties.
As part of my dissertation to co-create cohesive communities, I developed the guiding principles of A.L.O.H.A to share these tools for effective communication.
These guiding principles are not necessarily linear. The different stages of each acronym are dynamic; each can appear and reappear throughout the communication process.
A.L.O.H.A- An Indigenous Framework to Guide Conversations
A is to Ask — Ask questions and inquire. Do not assume. By asking questions with the intent to learn and not judge, we have the potential to minimize gross assumptions. We all make basic assumptions in life. But sometimes, those assumptions are wrong, and with little or no evidence that proves our theory, it could cause a world of hurt for many. Finding the courage to ask questions and challenge our beliefs can significantly transform our outcomes.
L is to Listen — The act of listening is only possible when there is attention, and attention does not exist if there is interpretation, evaluation, condemnation, or judgment of that to which we are listening. Listening can create trustworthy and transparent relationships that breed loyalty when we listen thoroughly and attentively. When you show others that you’re listening to them, it shows that you care and respect what they have to say. This is important in establishing open communication and camaraderie in the workplace.
O is to Observe — The sensations, emotions, and somatic responses in your body are not just signals for you to react to but also for you to contemplate. Our bodies are full of intelligence. They tell us everything we need to know, from when we’re hungry, to when we’re sick, and even react when we are full of emotions. Pay attention to your body, learn to self-regulate, pause, breathe, and observe your emotions before you respond.
H is for Heart — In a polarized world facing compounding societal and environmental crises, we need new paradigms and innovative skillsets for navigating the future, we must learn to return to our heart space. The heart can guide us throughout the engagement process and is the place to return when we become judgmental and unable to listen to one another deeply. Our heart space is where the foundation of Aloha exists; Love, compassion, humility, empathy, and grace reside within this space. Lead with and lean in with your heart, especially when feeling threatened or fearful and go back to “Ask.” This framework is not linear.
A is for Acknowledge and Adaptability — In the final acronym, we acknowledge that our perspectives and worldviews may differ from others. Accepting our differences is key to creating a safe space to engage in meaningful and thoughtful dialogue. An essential part of the dialogue process is having an open mind, being willing to learn and adapt, and having the courage to accept that we may all be wrong at times. It’s also important to acknowledge what has been said, validate people’s sense of belonging, and recognize that everyone has the right to their own opinion.
We can all benefit from embracing this Indigenous framework of A.L.O.H.A., no matter what a difficult conversation’s outcome, we can identify and resolve conflict with respect, dignity, and open-mindedness. We can strive to approach conversations effectively to create a more unified and compassionate workplace filled with grace, peace, empathy, responsibility, and accountability.
Aunty Pilahi Paki said, “The world will turn to Hawai’i as they search for world peace because Hawai’i has the key and that key is ALOHA.”
Turning to Aloha will create respectful workplaces, solid teams, and cohesive communities where people can lean in and grow. Let us all strive to bring Aloha into every space!
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About the Author
Dr. Gerry Ebalaroza-Tunnell is the Principal Consultant and CEO of Co3 Consulting: Co-Creating Cohesive Communities. The work of Co3 Consulting is based on the foundation of ALOHA and utilizes a unique blend of Indigenous philosophies and Western methods to work through decolonial healing processes.
Dr. Gerry Ebalaroza-Tunnell (she/her/wahine) identifies as an Indigenous scholar born and raised on the island of O’ahu, Hawaii, and has over 20 years of experience working in public, private, and non-profit sectors with a focus on social justice, community organizing, and leadership development. Dr. G earned her doctorate in Transformative Studies and Consciousness from the California Institute of Integral Studies and her master’s in Whole Systems Design from Antioch University, Seattle. You can learn more about her work at www.Co3Consulting.net and www.EvolutionOfAloha.com
If interested in bringing A.L.O.H.A to your organization, schedule a call with Dr. Gerry Ebalaroza-Tunnell HERE.
