Networking for Introverts: Tips to Help You Connect with People
Many people have asked me to write about how to network more effectively. Then I said, I’ll write about networking for introverts. What usually happens is they ask me, wait, are you an introvert? How?
This year I decided to do the Myers Briggs test for the 4th consecutive year, and it AGAIN showed I’m an Extrovert. I spend a lot of time unsure of that, because I can navigate well in extrovert environments.
After some research, I concluded that my test is not technically wrong, but I’m an Introvert, not an Extrovert. Now I officially embraced the introvert label, and I’m happy with it.
Since I moved to the U.S. five years ago (time flies), I have networked like crazy. I went to a bunch of different events, had coffee with amazing people, chatted via LinkedIn and email, actively participated in many Twitter conversations and Facebook Groups, and as a result, I was able to build my network from scratch.
I’m going to share some thoughts about networking specifically for Introverts, the things that helped me the most during this journey, and what I’ve learned over the past years intensively building new connections with tech peers in the Bay Area.
Have a goal.
Networking consumes our mental energy, not to mention our precious time. When planning to attend a networking event/meetup or even creating your own, one of the most important preparation tasks is to brainstorm the goal of attending the event. What do you want to achieve from it?
It’s important to understand the purpose of the event and what you want to get from it. After that it’ll be so much easier to prepare for the event, and it can also reduce your anxiety levels.
Prepare.
After you have a clear understanding of the event and your goal, you can start to plan for that. Is there anything specific you want to learn from the event? Is there an advance list of attendees you can review? What about that panelist you want to meet?
How big is the event? Your strategy will vary depending on the type of the event or even the size. Create a list of panelists or attendees you want to meet and research them, for example where they work, their career path, and side projects. Plan the steps you need to take to achieve your goal.
Prepare questions and icebreakers.
This is one of my most important preparation steps, and I wanted to keep it separate from the Prepare section because this part is a little different. After you have researched the event and the people you want to meet, this is the time to think about how you’re going to interact with them.
Try to prepare as much as possible and also have some questions in mind in case the conversation gets silent and you have that awkward moment. I prepared a list of questions that are generic and can be used in different situations:
- What brought you to this event today?
- What do you do?
- How did you get into your career?
- What’s your favorite book?
- What do you enjoy most about your role?
- What kind of product are you working on right now?
- What keeps you busy when you’re not at events like this or at work?
- What trends are impacting your business now?
Keep your energy up.
Attending a networking event or even a 1:1 can be really draining. I recommend you fuel your body and mind with things that make you happy and comfortable before networking. Meditation is great preparation.
Some people also like to take care of their body by hydrating and eating light meals, and spending some time alone to make sure your energy is recharged. This time alone can be any amount of time that makes you feel good, some of us might need more than others.
Practice, practice and practice.
Make sure you have your elevator pitch ready. Be prepared to talk about yourself, your work, your challenges and opportunities, and your motivation. Don’t overshare and keep the conversation on point.
Give a personal touch to your conversation. People want to feel engaged and excited to know more about you. Try to sound relaxed and show passion for what you do. Nobody wants to hear someone they barely know complaining.
Arrive early.
One of the things that can help you reduce your anxiety and feel more prepared for the networking event or even a 1:1 is to arrive early. I always try to arrive at least 15 min early.
Arriving early will allow time for you to better understand the space in case you have never been there before and to acclimate and feel more comfortable. Or you may even have the opportunity for small talk with another early bird. A glass of wine can be a great help or a great failure. Be strategic about alcohol consumption!
Be present.
As soon as you arrive at the venue, make sure you’re fully there, meaning don’t stare at your phone, make sure to establish eye contact when interacting with people. I know it can be difficult not to look at your phone from time to time, but it’s important to be fully present during the networking session.
As introverts, we have a lot of qualities and skills most extroverts don’t have. For example, we’re really good listeners, and people love to talk about themselves. Let them talk, maintain your focus, ask questions, and engage in the conversation while practicing your listening skills.
Be yourself.
Don’t try to change who you are. Who we are is what makes us unique and interesting, so take advantage of that. You can be whatever you are. If you’re shy, don’t pretend to be outgoing. You don’t need to be the center of attention if you don’t like it, and that’s ok, there are other people who enjoy that more.
If you have an interesting sense of style, show that. I have a bunch of tattoos, and I know people sometimes recognize me because of them. Use your personal identity in your favor. Don’t be ashamed to be yourself. And remember, we’re at our best when we can be ourselves.
Have a positive conversation with yourself.
Sometimes we have in our heads a weird voice that says bad things about us, no matter what we do or achieve. Don’t listen to that voice, or better yet, find a way to stop it.
You can also start to acknowledge this voice and reply back. If it says something bad about you, you can actually reply explaining how it isn’t true or unfair. When we recontextualize our feelings and internal thoughts, we can start to feel more confident and preserve the mental energy these thoughts consume.
Know yourself.
Being in a crowded space can be tricky, especially if you need to meet the person with whom you’re going to have the 1:1 for the first time. Some networking events are in tech companies, coffee places or busy bars.
An important factor is to know yourself, if you don’t feel comfortable in crowded spaces, suggest a different one if you can. You should definitely try not to be in places that make you feel uncomfortable.
Interact with smaller groups.
I recommend you focus your attention and energy on interacting with smaller groups. Don’t forget to participate in the conversation asking questions and engaging in the subject discussed.
Smaller groups and 1:1’s can give you the opportunity to better showcase your skills and strengths. You won’t need to fight to speak or to be heard, and it might be easier to make a good first impression and deeper connections.
Keep track of your network.
When you decide to prioritize networking, it’s easy to get lost and lose track of the process, the goal, and also the folks you’ve met. As you grow your network, one of the most important things is to keep in contact with them.
Remember, networking is a two-way street, and it needs to be taken seriously. Don’t network just for the sake of networking. Schedule coffee dates, send LinkedIn messages and emails on a regular basis, but don’t overdo it, and also don’t be that person who sends a message only when you need something.
I created a Google Docs template to help you keep track of your network.
Follow up.
Since you now have a way to track your network with their email addresses and phone numbers, it’s much easier to follow up. You may have noticed that the spreadsheet I shared has a column to include the last date you talked with the person. You can establish a rhythm to keep in touch with certain contacts.
Within a couple of days of a networking event/meetup, send a follow-up email or LinkedIn message. In your message, you may want to include a thank you if there was something you discussed with that specific person that you enjoyed or was helpful. It’s important to personalize your message and to mention where you met in case the other person might not remember you right away.
Don’t forget to keep the conversation going. You may want to send them a link to a news item that might be of interest. Find a way to build a connection with that person. Ask questions or favors when appropriate.
Event recovery.
When you network, ideally you will need some time to keep up your energy, right? Same thing happens post-networking, make sure you’re taking the proper time to recover and evaluate the event results.
Different people will need a different amount of time, and depending on the event you might need more or less time. Take this into consideration, and make sure you have the time and space you need to start to network again.
Network online.
Networking is nothing more than relationship-building, and of course it might be easier to do that in person, but you can definitely network online too. Especially now with tools like Twitter, LinkedIn, blogs and Slack channels. Take advantage of that, especially since this process might be easier for us introverts.
Set a goal and plan your strategy and cadence. You can ask someone you already know to make introductions via LinkedIn. Or you can send an email to someone who wrote an article you liked asking questions or advice. I receive a bunch of emails, and I love to receive them and help people.
In summary:
- Set a goal and a plan to achieve it.
- Never stop practicing.
- Use your strengths to create deep connections with people.
- Networking is a two-way street.
- Know yourself, and choose the kind of event/meet-up you want to attend.
- You don’t need an extrovert friend to accompany you during events, you can do it all alone if you want!
- Reserve some time to recharge after networking.
- Follow-up.
- Keep track of your contacts.
- Start the process all over again.
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