WHY ARE YOU SHOUTING AT ME?

We all want to be heard. Wanting to be understood by others is a basic human need. That’s why if you perfect the skill of listening to understand, rather than to respond, people will gravitate to you like moths to a flame. Poor analogy perhaps, but you get the point. Bonus points if you authentically care about the person you are listening to (detailed in the classic book How to Win Friends and Influence People). The truth is, far too often we’re just waiting for our turn to talk. And the Internet has made it worse.

We’ve recently entered a world filled with an ever expanding “long tail” of content creators (bloggers, podcasters, authors, YouTubers, etc.). It seems like everyone with a keyboard, microphone, or camera is busy adding “content” to every day to increase their “personal brand.” And honestly, I love that this is happening. Never before has an average person had such incredible access to sharing their message around something they feel passionate about. And that’s usually pretty great. Until it isn’t.

Content Creators meet Facebook Groups

The challenge is that the rapid growth of the “long tail” has coincided with (or maybe the cause of) the proliferation of Facebook groups. For those unaware, a Facebook group is exactly what it sounds like. Anyone on the platform can create a group and then members can join the conversation around a particular topic of interest.

For the most part, people comment and discuss topics in much the same way they would on a regular Facebook page. But a problem has arisen and it appears to be spreading. Content creators are eager to promote themselves so naturally they jump at the chance to share in social media. Often in many groups at the same time. Sometimes what they’re sharing is relevant to the audience, other times not so much.

And since there’s often an overlap across groups, we might see the same message show up in our feed multiple times in a row. If it’s not targeted to our interests, it can feel like we’re being bombarded by Spammy McSpammerson. Group admins curtail some of this but they still inevitably sneak through sometimes. Not good. And maybe not the best way to create “know, like, and trust” relationships.

Chances are, if you’re a member of Facebook groups you’ve probably come across such blatant self promotion a time or two. I know I have. And my knee jerk reaction is to harshly criticize “those people” for doing something so heinous. But due to a recent epiphany inspiring an attempt to focus on the better side of people (Lord knows I’m flawed myself), I wanted to dig in a little deeper. I began to wonder why these people might be doing this so much in the first place.

Good Intentions — Wrong Approach

Once I began to put myself in their shoes a couple things became more clear. First, these are often well intentioned people who are simply overzealous about sharing their new creation (podcast, blog, course, whatever). They’ve dreamed of making something great, put in the creative effort to get it made, and now want to go make their mark on the world. So far so good.

Next though, they likely run into a giant brick wall. At least that’s what happened to us when we started Digital Dads. And it stung pretty bad. We recorded episode after episode and couldn’t seem to get more than a few dozen listeners. But we were “solopreneurs” now and we learned from the Internet gurus that we just needed to “grind” a little more. So we did. Anxious to get traction, I’ll admit I tried some things I’m not very proud of now.

I did things like posting in Facebook groups where nobody cares. I shared our latest episode in another dad group who were getting more engagement than us (which I now realize was pure jealousy). I tried review swaps in iTunes with people that probably didn’t even listen to a single one of our episodes. In the end we got so focused on growing an audience that we began losing sight of the true value we could provide.

Obviously, none of this was even close to the right path. But I did them anyway because I wanted us to grow. It was only in hindsight that I realized how tactics like these could never actually accomplish the success I so badly desired.

The Right Focus Makes all the Difference

Let’s be honest about something. The long tail of content is very, very cluttered. It’s extremely difficult and takes a great deal of time and effort to break through, and that’s only if we get lucky. The reality is we would all LOVE a shortcut to success if only there were an ethical way to do it. But unfortunately there isn’t. Not really.

At the end of the day authentic relationships take time to build. Full stop. Getting people to pay attention, and *gasp* even share your content with others, requires more than a few simple copy/pastes on social media. People may well like your work but if they misperceive your intentions they’ll never even click the link. And they might even hide you from ever seeing your posts again.

We eventually figured this out with Digital Dads. After having a small audience for a couple months we stopped worrying about growth so much. We focused instead on making a great show. We brought on guests to help us learn to be better dads. We added clips of our kids creating a new dynamic and increased level of vulnerability. We invited random listeners to be on the show with us (for better or worse). Bottom line, we put more energy into making something great that people would enjoy. And the audience responded.

I can’t tell you that we ever hit it big with that show. But I can say that at our peak we had over two thousand downloads an episode. That may not sound like much, but if those people were sitting in a room together it would be a pretty large sized room. And the impact we began to have was nothing short of amazing. There were even dads emailing us from the delivery room telling us how much better equipped they felt to be a father because of our show. Powerful stuff indeed.

The Road Less Traveled

My sincere hope is that when you next think to share something you created with others, you will try to put yourself in their shoes first. Make an effort to imagine how what you’re sharing might be relevant to them. Pay more attention to what they want to hear than what you want to share. Then put your effort into improving your message to better resonate with their needs. That way, you won’t have to shout everywhere while people readily ignore you. Instead, some of them will become your biggest fans and actually look forward to what you have to say. They might even share it for you as you begin to create the impact you’re trying so hard to make.

I also have a big ask for the “rest of us.” I truly hope we make an intentional effort to always see the better side of people. All people. Even the (currently) spammy ones. Because maybe by leading with a caring heart we can widen the path toward more meaningful impact. And who knows, maybe that person you gave the benefit of the doubt to will one day reciprocate by inspiring others to make our world a slightly better place. Isn’t that the point of all this in the first place?