I’m on the Right
❤
Most models are not in the business of exposing their flaws. Simply because flaws don’t get you paid. Unless your tooth gap, mole above your top lip or very separated eyes are the new untraditionally “it” feature (for the season). Reality is, every time I do the model release form with a photographer ( which is after I’ve been through hair and makeup) and pull out my drivers license, I get the same response,” that doesn’t even look like you, is that really you?”. Oh no no, I paid the lady at Secretary of State to stand in front of camera for me because I find my degree of beauty outrageously offensive and simply wanted to know what it would feel like to scare civilians with an ugly drivers license. Of course it’s me.
I have freckles, beauty marks, breakouts (because apparently 23 years old is still puberty) and redness from high school breakouts on my face. My eyelashes are lighter than my natural hair color so of course when I don’t wear mascara they go missing. They could possibly be hiding on my legs from October through May when I hibernate and refuse to look at a razor and help salvage any ounce of body heat from the Michigan winter.
I’m 5'8 and my body’s comfortable weight is somewhere between 132-140 lbs (depending on how much Cuban food and Nutella jars have made indecent proposals to my appetite that week.) I’m known in my family for how much I eat and that’s a positive thing in my culture. It’s a bit comical that I can out eat any man I know, except for the supreme devourer of all things nutritional and satisfying, my father. I’ve been asked if I have a tapeworm in my stomach. Mmm appetizing. Yes, and my family’s favorite, “eres limpia pesera” or “ you’re the plecostomus.” That weird name is that nasty sucker fish you see clinging on for dear life to the edge of that weird fish tank at your doctor’s office. The rest of it’s body usually flails in the artificial current cleaning the tank (or my theory trying to eat a hole out of that miserable place). Ew. Welp, I’m not eating algae, I’ll tell you that much.
It is really hard for me to be thin and industry standard. Even when I am, my shape cannot be concealed. So why would I put myself through something like this? Photoshop and models get bad reputations. Of course I understand the implications and issues that arise with setting an impossible standard for women everywhere. Yet, would we be so bothered if we just loved ourselves anyway? It’s so easy to blame self-loathing on significant others, friends, ads and social influence. There is truth to societies influence yet that’s a huge discussion for another day. I’m here to tell you how it makes me feel to see myself in a way I will never really be and why it’s okay!
Truth is, I love these constructions the talented makeup artists, photographers and the crew for these wonderful projects come up with. I love challenging myself. The inspiration and experience one only gets from traveling have come to me through modeling. I get to be the blank canvas for creations and I directly impact the form someone else’s visual art takes. I’m presented and astonished with different versions of myself all the time(and I never lose myself). Best of all, I absolutely love my body enough to understand the fine boundaries that are not to be crossed when trying to train for something or simply trying to hold a healthy lifestyle. My health is always first, I understand not everyone will love me and I know I have so much to offer as a human being that defeat here and there is just a learning experience. I do not feel flawed because I don’t look exactly like my images, just the opposite!
Let’s stop trying to put things and people in boxes. You would be incorrect to assume anything about me except for what I have written here. If we limit what people are to us just by what we see, we are limiting what we are to others too. There are many aspects of me that come before my physicality. Personality absolutely everything. I fall in love with people all the time. I live to meet and socialize with the charismatic, the shy, the inventive and insightful, the wise and the flustered. No amount of makeup, Photoshop, wardrobe, or opinions will be able to strip away how I feel about myself.
Catch me around campus with no makeup and in sweats with my hair in a bun and my baby hairs tousled pointing outwards (or as my boyfriend refers to them, my wifi). He’s convinced my hair must be catching some sort of signal if it’s sticking out that far. “Chillin with no makeup on,” Drake made that sound so sexy huh? If you can remember self esteem is all yours and you have a say in it, perhaps you can remember there is more power within us than the power outside of us. Love every version of yourself past present or future you will always be changing let’s not blame other things for how we feel about ourselves. I’m always proud to be the one on the right.
