2021–1–29

i wish it were easier,
this dream of mine
to be alive.
instead, i struggle
to merely wake.
i substitute
desire for doing,
regret for intention,
delusion for commitment.
a poor strategy
for a meaningful life.
the pain of it
is knowing how close i am
to what i want,
to what i need:
breathe, and be here.
breathe, and be now.