Jump ship before it sours again
Scream the voices in my head
Waiting for the other shoe to drop
I feel myself anticipating the end
I can’t reconcile the good and the bad
What exactly was it that I had?
Mixed emotions give way to sleepless nights
Painting cruel to be kind in a whole new light
I had wanted you to come equipped
With a quiet patience
If not a working understanding
But those hopes had been dashed
In the very beginning
The most you had suffered was a broken heart
And then again just for a short while
The stakes were much higher for me
They always have been
You haven’t had to live in a broken body
Nearly all your birthdays spent languishing in hospital rooms
You don’t understand the sacrifices I make every day
Just to have an ounce of what you do
You don’t understand the isolation
Being in perpetual limbo
Between wanting and reality
Ambition and limitation
Longing for an escape
From this prison of pain
Never will we be on equal footing
Or bridge the chasm
That divides us
It’s just words to you
But it’s my life
At times the support is undeniable
Other times I can’t help but remember
That fateful evening in late September
When a crash brought everything to a standstill
I was “impossible,” you were predictable
Cried for the first 12 hours
Sobbed for the next 48
Stayed in bed for a weekend
Avoided food for seven days
Selfish, timid, apathetic, you said
After all this time, the words keep ringing in my head
No matter how often I hear “none of the above”
I can’t help but feel utterly unloved
The words had been like salt in wounds
Jumping to conclusions comes easily to you
You just can’t help yourself
What am I to make of the 180?
Is it only temporary?
We humans with our thousands of faces
