Poem: “Still”
Still
Still, my heart. Do not
Try to love this thing.
It is a dead end, dead
Before the chance, before
Even the touch of regular air.
Still, my body. Do not
Work too hard to give this baby.
Water on a brick
Does not grow flowers. The brick stays a brick,
And cracks when it falls.
Still, my mind. Do not
Panic at this dead chunk inside.
They’re working to remove it,
And after, you can shed yourself
Of this tumor inside.
Still, my I. But my I can’t help but wonder why
And mourn a dead, just a little pound
Spilling out: My dear daughter,
First try, first kiss, my first love now blacked.
Heavy hole, and the next I fear will be another blank
Weight inside, another bad egg and another,
And instead of trying again, the terror of
This cancer will linger and tumors will continue,
And instead of two it will just be me,
Forever alone filled with tumors, my husband forever alone.
Still, I can’t let that feeling become. I will
Push against despair, because I know
Life continues, so
My heart, my body, my mind,
Be still: and push, push, push.
