Absence
Absence — a word dipped in sorrow
Your name resonates within me / it feels as if I am walking a path that I never planned / but it feels like the right one / yet one thing that haunts me even today is the absence / the absence of your being / your absence that left me as a shadow of my being / your absence that took away all my plans for these years / your absence that kills me every day I get up / your absence on the pillow next to mine / your absence that took away all the good of my life / your absence that is killing me every time / holding my hand as I try to survive / your absence that has me in a bind / of moving on or letting it flow like fine wine / your absence is making my heart and mind intertwine / needing to move but not wanting to let go / your absence is a part of my soul / your absence is a lament I will forever shoulder alone / your presence was my home / your absence has made me a nomad / finding no home / walking all alone / your absence has left me in purgatory / not knowing where to go / heaven or hell / concepts I think have no meaning at all / because your absence took it all / the path we used to walk on / I do not walk there anymore / avoiding that place / hoping that I do not cross your path on a sunny day / fearing that the concept of heaven and hell will be brought back / in that moment / in front of you / on that sunny day / I might finally find hell again / heaven is still a concept / that I think is not for me / but hell will be the day that I might see you again / with your arm around him / sabotaging all the plans we made / yet I try to hold on / putting on a strong face / all links to the past I evade / to remove this haze of thoughts / I think it is time to move on / yet I find myself / being pulled by the absence of your hands
I never thought I would publish this, it might have collected metaphorical dust in my drafts. But a friend helped me remember that being a writer means sharing your work with the world and letting the emotions out in the world instead of putting them inside the metaphorical heart (drafts).
© Syed Ahrar Ali, 2024
