POETRY
Holding The Sun
it was my first time
she put my hand on her breast
i was surprised by the offer
but grateful
this is what i want
who i want to be
what i want to feel
alive
like snow
glowing
my hand touches her and it feels like i am holding the sun
i
am
holding
the
sun
the light from her flesh warms my hand
this is where i am
i am by this lake
sitting on this bench
the night air cool
the lamp too bright
kissing a woman for the very first time
at the ripe old age of forty-one
i am not sure if it was worth it
i am not sure if it was worth all the
wondering
all the aloneness
the deep knife
the ripping heart
the eyes wide awake at 4am
she said she would not be with me
i moved out of my house
i left my husband of 15 years
i take my daughter now to his place
my old home
we do not say goodbye when i leave
we are hurt
so much pain
was it worth it?
to hold the sun in my hand for 2 minutes
to feel the soft touch of a woman’s lips on my own
to feel freedom
to feel free
to feel like i can do anything
i can be anyone
