It’s H20, Stupid!
Eventually we all come to our senses
After they got tired worshiping various gods, people turned to money fetish. That didn’t last long as money proved to be the root of all evil.
Somebody then came up with another idol, “humanity”, that is, all the people of the world, living and departed. Disappointment followed; admiring themselves proved to be utter failure. Idiots outnumber great achievers by about one million to one, not a ratio you want to write home about.
Woke people — well organized, disciplined, reading their frequently revised playbook almost every day — jumped to the rescue. Self-adulation would be the right choice but only if we first removed the mean and harmful members of society (white, Christian, heterosexual males ) from the mix. Unfortunately, an impartial statistician (minority-agnostic-lesbian) crunched the numbers and showed that kind and compassionate people also have the same idiot-to-genius ratio as the bad guys.
Finally a wise man suggested they worship water. It’s absolutely necessary for life, H2O. Now the fundamentalists — presumably Christian, presumably heterosexual — were opposed to the concept pointing out that water had a rather checkered history in the Good Book, and some of the more disgusting or morally objectionable bodily fluids also have high water content. Even the woke people, still licking their wounds in the wake of their recent defeat, were reluctant to accept water on their own ideological grounds.
As the debate intensified and several scientific studies proved that water is an unassuming, non-threatening substance and definitely the least controversial of all possibilities, grudgingly all came to agree. And now we, seven or eight billion intelligent denizens of the universe, worship water.
Duh! Too late; it’s running out.
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A sketch of this article was published in Paragraph Planet on September 23, 2023.
