Free Verse Poetry
Why So Lonely?
Something I scribbled laying on a hammock, watching two very tall trees swaying in the wind, while a storm slowly brew.
Loneliness.
That familiar ache that can creep into our lives
And make it all seem dull and dreary.
Is it inherent?
Etched into our very nature,
Or does it stem from things that lie outside of us?
Things that weave their way into our lives,
Leaving us feeling isolated. Disconnected.
I’m not so sure about the modern (hu)man.
But early humans were social creatures.
Our ancestors survived and thrived by forming tribes and communities.
Relying on each other for protection, resources and friendship.
This deep-seated need for connection suggests
Loneliness might be inherent.
It’s human nature
To love,
To crave connection,
The warmth of a loved one’s skin,
The smell of their hair.
The need to know there’s someone
To look after us when we’re sick,
To hug us when we’re sad,
And to help us when we’re stuck.
As much as we talk to Siri, Alexa and Chatty,
Our biology craves actual human interaction.
Flesh and blood.
Sweat and tears.
The smell of their breath,
The goosebumps on their skin.
Scientists say our brains are wired that way.
We respond positively to social interactions
And suffer when deprived of them.
Oxytocin, the “love hormone,” floods our brain when we bond socially.
A fancy way to say we seek connections,
And suffer when we don’t find them.
Loneliness seems to have deep-seated roots in our nature.
Yet, how we grow up impacts everything.
How loneliness manifests is deeply tied to the life we had when we were little,
When we were forming our sense of selves.
Childhood experiences, family dynamics,
Friendships and community,
Can all shape how we see isolation.
Trauma, loss, a lack of support,
Can amplify feelings of loneliness,
Sometimes leading to a cycle we struggle to break out of.
Nowadays, we have more ways to connect than ever.
Which paradoxically dilutes connections, more than ever.
It enables us to stay connected, true.
But it breeds loneliness.
As we scroll through a gallery of curated online personas,
It makes us feel left out. Inadequate.
Othered.
Nature and nurture are not mutually exclusive;
They are locked in a dance.
Genes can influence how introverted or extroverted we are,
Which in turn, can influence how we cope with loneliness.
Our temperament, social skills and relationship with ourselves
Can either dampen or sharpen feelings of isolation.
What we call ‘normal’ in our societies and cultures, play a pivotal role.
Some cultures emphasise collectivism and interconnectedness,
While others value individualism.
These cultural differences shape how people perceive and handle loneliness,
The inherent nature of loneliness, it seems
Is coloured by the nurture it encounters.
Whether loneliness is inherent or nurtured,
The answer lies in their interplay.
We are undeniably social beings by nature,
But the way we experience and interpret loneliness
Is profoundly influenced by our upbringing, experiences, and environment.
As one single human,
A lot of it, we can do nothing about.
Our genes, our communities, our cultures,
All beyond the influence of one single human.
The path out of loneliness is this:
Holistically understanding loneliness,
Fostering empathy,
Practicing compassion,
For ourselves and others
As we navigate this busy, busy world,
Full of lonely, lonely humans.
Thank you so much for reading. If my writing resonates with you, you can find more on my Medium Profile.
