Who’s Missing?
“Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude.” — Denis Waitley
The prisoners have had only numbers, no names, except Hangin’ Joe, the biggest and baddest of them all.
At the morning roll call I notice that Hangin’ Joe is missing.
Hearing the newest bad news, the camp commander is surprised. “Joe, the muscleman? Isn’t that the guy who’s always first to volunteer to do the hanging for a bottle of bourbon? I thought he liked it here.”
I tell him, yes, that’s the guy, and no, even chronic boozers don’t enjoy being held in drafty barracks in a forced-labor camp thirty miles from the Arctic Circle.
The boss, lover of western films, comes up with an idea. “Sergeant, put together a posse, lasso him up, bring him back and beat him senseless with a bullwhip in front of the others.”
I’ve never seen a bullwhip in my life and seriously doubt the camp has that particular disciplining tool. Lasso is another item we would have to order in a jiffy if deemed essential for the operation. Also, in case you are a purist, a posse would involve the use of horses — we only have Humvees and Jeeps here.
Those are negligible details. Surveying the prisoners, normally defiant but all avoiding eye contact now, I tell the chief that a team of archaeologists preferably equipped with an excavator would have a better prospect locating Hangin’ Joe.
The prisoners burst into laughter. The honcho looks at me, what’s so funny? When I explain as to the possible whereabouts of Hangin’ Joe, he chuckles, too. The prisoners are laughing again, this time with the bossman. Many double over holding their midriff, others fall on the ground kicking and boxing in the air. The commander slaps me on the shoulder and tells me I should have been a standup comedian.
It’s good to have a little merriment now that nine months of winter, icy and dark, is upon us. Also, according to reliable sources, there’s a hanging or two in the cards before we, guards and inmates, all gather as one happy family to celebrate Christmas.
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In its first version this piece was published in the May 2024 issue of AntipodeanSF.
