Almost Lover


I thought I would miss you,
The pillow talks,
The late night YouTube vids,
The morning-after breakfasts…
Your flirty texts.

I still remember the feel
of your beard under
my searching fingers:
Scuffing warmth,
caressing chin.

I don’t know how we ended
 — vague memories searching.
I know there was a wanting
succeeded by time,

Traces of you 
from skin that never
Conversations that formed
a party of one.

You were kind.
The kind I’d forgotten
could exist
in my realm of hook-up culture
and party animals.

Our circles eclipsed
for a season — still eclipsed
like the Moon that wanes
 — Suddenly appearing, 
I am reminded you exist.

Your name popped up
in a group chat today
and I smiled,
Fingers caressed
your profile icon,

pulling up your face,
cleanly shaven, in
Movember participation.
Bright blue eyes hidden
behind Rays I used to steal.

2 seasons have passed
since I saw you last
and I freeze,
Calendar pages fly.

I wanted to miss you,
I really did.
But wanting is 
indifferent to

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