Careerless
I give up my career
I am now careerless
and a failure
in the eyes of the world
I am giving up success
any chance of success
giving up ambition
and pursuit of status
Nobody is going to be able
to feel inferior to me
based on my glowing career
my many achievements
Well, actually
they can feel inferior if they want
someone always will;
I’m giving up feeling superior to others
or feeling inferior to them:
2 sides of one coin
one miserable coin
that can never buy
Peace,
Happiness,
Or anything worth having
~
When I say I give up my career
I mean I give up all my ideas
all my mental concepts
about what I should be doing
and what it will get me
and the reasons for doing it
and I give up the rewards
of ego-stroking and ego-flogging
(The same, it’s all the same
Being better than and being worse than
Succeeding and failing
being on the conveyor-belt of careerism
The same, it’s all so old and tired
no matter how ‘spiritual’ my career choice is
or how money-hungry
or how whatever)
~
People say I’d be good at this or that
and I should do it
or it’s a shame I haven’t done it
They think they know best
Or they ask me what they should do
or tell me about their latest SMART goals
their lofty visions
their personal growth in business success
None of it’s bad
it all has a place
All of it has had a place in my becoming
I’m not saying do away with it
except in me, now
Me, Now, realises its futility
on a soul-deep level …
its worthlessness.
I’m investing energy
in worthwhileness
which means
Just Being
Being Aligned
with Life
Feeling my way
in the dark unknown
the divine mystery
the stark aloneness
the everything-joinedness
that we all find ourselves in
if we open our eyes
that we all swim in
like water
every single moment
I admit our reality
I taste it, I experience it
I swim in it with my eyes wide open
I move my fins finningly
~
Out of Being
births Becoming
Becoming is an aspect of Being
a result of Being
a natural result
that happens organically
in perfect timing
in serene knowing
without worry
without hernias at forty
and heart-attacks at fifty
and feeling so old inside you want to die
without expensive self-development courses
and money-to-the-guru
without jumping on one train after another
all claiming to take you to happy-town
without cynicism
without losing the ability to cry
without closing the heart to Love
without soul-crushing boredom
without ever-present social anxiety
without deep existential anxiety
that flavours every moment
with stress that you try not to know about
Yes, that kind of becoming
the forced and goal-oriented becoming
The ‘I know what’s best for me’
and I’m going to MAKE it happen’, becoming
The ‘conquer the world’
and ‘rape it into submission’ mentality
The ‘conquer myself’
and ‘rape me into submission’ attitude
that kills the world’s citizens
human, animal, plant
that kills your own soul
child, poet, seer
it’s a mistake, a trap
an endless loop
that leads nowhere
that you’ll get sick of eventually
and need to step out of -
which is easy
As easy as setting it down
like a heaviest burden
that you just don’t want to carry anymore
and you don’t have to -
nobody was ever forcing you
or could force you, even if they tried
The forcer, the rapist, the conqueror
who conquered nothing real
was the one inside
who felt so small and weak
and underneath every ambition
was longing for Love
for acceptance
for a life worth the living
~
So I give up my career
my pointless career
my mistakes during my career
my many failures
and so-called successes,
my marketing spiels
and false promises to others
in a world drowned in false promises
I give up my procrastination
that knew better than me
that I wasn’t following my soul
or the soul of Life
I give up abundance mentality
and the Law of Attraction
I give up seeking wealth
or glorifying poverty
There’s a lie inside abundance
and a lie inside scarcity
Neither are the way
to peace, love, and Life
I give up not feeling worth it
or telling you all how worth it I am
I give up forcing my growth down your throat
I give up forcing growth down my own throat
I give up resisting or judging
anyone different than me
and supporting and acclaiming
anyone the same
I give up career
~
So what will I DO?
How will I survive in this money-based world?
Will I become ‘a drain on society’
a ‘dole-bludger’, and stop contributing
Lying to myself that others’ work for my sake
paid in taxes
is right for me to take
when I have no real need of it, right now
taking it from others
who do have need
Not giving to the communities of which I am part
an integral part: Giving and Receiving
No, that doesn’t feel like the way
for me, for now
and it’s important I don’t judge the ones
who choose to experience that way
I’ve been them too
or who choose to sit in judgment
I’ve been them too
both camps are miserable
both are 2 sides of one coin
called ego-enhancement or ego-flagellation
which is the same damn thing
the same dirty trick
the same ‘lost in the woods’
‘path to nowhere’
~
I will wait
I will listen to the wind
sing — sigh — ahhhhhh
I will Be
I will wait
I will look at the sky
open — clouds — blue — gray
I Am
I will wait
I will live my everyday life
I will work at my everyday job
I will Be
I’ll surrender
into each moment, each work action
and the moments in between these
moments of inaction
I will Be
I will wait
I will partake of sweetest Life
I will accept and surrender my lot
I will wait.
There is a voice
it speaks from the deepest core inside my core
it speaks from the otherworldy realm
the place both beyond me, and deepest inside
There is a knowing
a voice without words
unexplainable
unjustifiable
often crazy-sounding
untenable
beautiful
sacred mystery
There is a god
inside me
it is me
it is all
There is a way
when there appears to be no way
it always appears
at the perfect time
just in time.
~
There is a way to listen
without ears
to the wordless word
to learn to listen
There is a way to dance
with perfect grace
the very next dance step
but only in its moment
There is a way to have a career
without having a career;
it doesn’t have fancy name
or any name at all
it may change from moment to moment
but it has a congruence, a continuity
an organic wholeness and natural becoming
that just flows
It may look like not having a career at all
for moments
or for seasonal cycles
or for a lifetime
After all, who says we must have a career
that’s just a story
like every illusory story
this world is pretending to run on
but the world runs
on storyless
on reality, not illusions
on the mystery beyond polarities
~
Beyond careers
I’ll have a career
or not;
It looks like: anything
It feels like:
trusting Life
It feels like:
flowing — dancing — roaring — quietude
I can’t put it into words
I can’t give you a marketing spiel
or an elevator pitch
or a gold-embossed namebadge
I can show you my happiness
my freedom
my peace, and worry-freeness
my ever-growing bliss
my knowing what to do and not do
my resting into each moment
surrendering into each challenge
Living Life Lightly
Alively
Blithely
What I’ve got, and what I’m growing
just by Being
is worth more
and gains me more
than success, failure
your good opinion
notoriety
or all the treasures of the world
I’m careerless now
Whoa, it feels good
I’m feather-light dancing
on two left feet
Wheee!
Sair Gryphon’s (of IntimacyIs) life– a focus on learning how to love and be loved.
