Fiction

I worry and I worry a lot
On the actions and consequences
And the non-actions
Missed opportunities
And lost friends
Afraid that i’ll be left alone
I worry so much
That sometimes I break into tears
~ at the blank spaces in time
At the closed doors of my mind
At the heights of ecstasy
When I laugh out aloud
~ at something clever
Somebody said
And when I look around
There is nobody to hear my laughter
~ followed by an echo of silence

I worry when he looks back
As I walk past him
And he hurls a comment at me
~ a stranger
I don’t hear what he says
But I worry
Will he turn and come back
And make it clear
What he meant
Would he be offended!
That I didn’t hear him
I try to remember his face
So I will be able to explain
What he looked like
When they will ask me
But I can’t, ~ his face is so generic
So forgettable
He looks like everybody.

Everybody who has ever hurled a comment
~ at me or any other woman
And I worry
Balancing my steps
With the pace of movement
I move back and forth
~ in memories and
In changing lights
And I worry whether it was
Raining or was it sunny that day
Dust sets on the face of truth
Leaving behind only a half truth.

What did happen?!
Or how much of it was fabricated by the
~ Forgetfulness of time

I worry that no one will believe
When I will tell this
I worry that
When I will find the courage
To tell this story
No one will believe it
And I worry
~ that my story
Will be sold
As a fiction.

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