go on, do it

I was 21
and had many men
for many winters
I saw him on a fun fair
in Minnesota
summer was hot
the carousels were twirling
wooden tornadoes of colour
I had glitter
and ribbons
in my hair
he had a mask
strange face almost humanlike
but with fur and sequinned eyes
raspberry ice cream
dripped on my dress
like blood, but brighter
when he lead my hand into the woods
pink cotton candy
got stuck to my thighs

later
I looked for him
in all the bars
known to all the men
like a hungry dog
running in heat
from Minnesota to Ohio
got a postcard
from New York
took a train there
people take a train
because they think
that it’ll take them somewhere
then they end up
there, but
still in the same place somehow
just more short
of a beating heart

someone told me where to look
I found him downtown
worn out
the sequinned mask hanging from the chair

he brought me a glass
of cold milk
my body got sweaty
from chasing him
he washed it
with brown soap
dried me
like you dry a child

holy jesus
his bed is a feeding ground
I can’t beat that beast
go on Samson
I said
feed me to the wolf