Lincoln’s Hat

Lincoln lies shtum in his Springfield tomb —
did they store him along with his stovepipe hat?
When in 50 TW (Trumpian War)
archaeologists dig up the Last Honest Man*:
“We thought we had located Abraham’s crater,
but there wasn’t a hat, so we can’t quite be sure.”

Sure, he’s tall, and he’s gaunt (most skeletons are)
but the bones might be one of those ‘NBA’ stars.
“perhaps we should clone him,” says one of the ghouls.
But Pencian law states that no honest man
can be raised from the dead, no matter what for.

So you see why his hat is of such great import!
No tourist is willing to pay for the chance
of viewing a putative president Abe;
though aliens probably won’t give a damn
visiting mutants might suss out the scam

*(possibly for display in the Disney Universe
Hall of Actual Presidents, Disneyville, DC)