more than a year
i have not seen him for more than a year
it was over a year ago that he walked out of my home, smiling,
not to return
and yet
i see him everywhere i go
walking on every road
dealing on the corners
begging on every intersection
i see him standing with a sign
that says
“homeless, please help”
i wonder how long it will take
how many years
will go by
before i do not recognize
the man
that he has become
in 10 more years will i know him if
i really do see him
standing on a street corner
asking for money
or if he shows up on my doorstep
will i know him then
will i know him if he decides
that i am not the root of all the evil in his world
that i am just his mother
who tried, and succeeded, beyond hope,
in keeping him alive to adulthood
through all the difficult times
will i recognize him if he forgives me
and stops running
running always
will i know him only by name
if i read in the local paper
that he has once again been arrested
for dealing drugs, armed robbery, assault
will i look into his eyes
in a picture online
and recognize him
or will i see only a stranger
or will i never see him again
in person or in print
never see his name
never is a long time
it has been over a year
since i saw my son
and yet
i still see him everywhere i go
an echo
of what i wish could be
