never been my woman

I’ve been thinking about her lately
when I saw her one last
time

she was as good to me as a honey
bee
but I lied
and
I left her
and
I got off the train to see this other girl
that I’ve seen before
and
she was different from the first one
she had no demands
no wishes
I was as good as god to her
she said yes to everything
and
didn’t make me feel
and it was good
to be safe
and untouched
in my own little swimming pool of
madness
I’ve had her many times over those days
but
she never felt as soft as the first one
that I haven’t tried
yet
and I didn’t have much yearning for her soul
how strange I thought
and
before my aching head would go further
I chased my thoughts away
like you chase away a homeless dog
in Detroit

I’ve been thinking about her lately
when I saw her one last
time

she looked like a smooth little
cat
drinking milk from my lips
and when we finished
she pulled my face really strong
towards hers
how can she be so strong I thought
she was barely someone
that I knew
we’ve only met a couple of times
her teeth were in front of my face
I felt like a kid with his nose stuck to the
glass
observing sweet candy shaped nipples of her breasts
her whole face was laughing
she wasn’t smiling you know
she was laughing
at me
the kind of laugh that makes a man uneasy
“hey baby,” she said
putting her shirt on
“just want you to know that I know what you did
I’ve already forgotten your taste
before I brushed my teeth
had to spit out all the lies
that you’ve served me
on that chipped breakfast plate this morning”

she got me this time
but I kept listening
knowing that the end is as near as the phone call
from the car company
that I’ve been waiting for
all morning
I crushed their car you see
I laughed in her face too
already killed inside
by the tree
and the cross that I carried on my chest
she took her velvet body off the bed
and closed the door carefully behind her
she could have slammed it
but she didn’t
I didn’t even deserve to be given the blessing of
the noise
to acknowledge the stupidity
of my shame

I’ve been thinking about her lately
when I saw her one last
time

she looked like a smooth little cat
how strange, I thought
I let her walk away into the world
of someone else
and the birds were singing
a fool’s song

Thank you for coming to see me — you can help me to write more if you like.